Disclaimer: This is not for kids. It’s for adults who think about weird shit all the time or some of the time, or occasionally… either way, not for kids. There’s a lot of swearing. And it ain’t for hate-addicts or trolls either. If you’re just here to chill and listen to some weird shenanigans, well stick around mates. We also talk about some isms – like racism, a bit of mild violence speak and weird urges. Yep. But it’s minimal.
Also, Heads up, Transcripts are auto-generated and can come off fucked up or just plain wrong. They’re usually alright, but sometimes they’re so bad they have to be skipped.
NEW EPISODE EVER THURSDAY EVENING
Host & Co.:Jess Gilley, Ashley Stolitza & Chris Miller
Jess (ShortMerc) (00:27)
Right.
That’s a great way to start, isn’t it? It was wonderful. Mortal Kombat came out. The second one. I know this is this is a little bit late, but yeah, Mortal Kombat 2 came out and it was in theaters. I don’t know if it’s still in theaters because sometimes they do that crossover release thing. But it was definitely fun. Yeah. Yeah. It was ⁓ it was good. I got b baraka, so I was pretty happy about that.
Ashley (00:28)
that was wonderful.
Chris (00:29)
Yeah.
Did I?
Ashley (00:33)
Okay.
It was so fun.
Chris (00:46)
You watched it? Nice.
Jess (ShortMerc) (00:55)
All those teeth. All of them. So many teeth. The d Dude, you would love it. You would love it.
Chris (00:55)
⁓ good, you got the teeth, okay.
Ashley (01:00)
they did such a good job.
Chris (01:04)
Alright,
I saw like the first one. I don’t know if I saw it. Like the like forever ago one? Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (01:08)
Like the nineties?
Yeah, no. So the the one in the nineties is like rite of passage. Like you have to watch those. But the new one, the new franchise that started in when did that start? A few years ago. I’m not even gonna try. A few years ago. That one they like the first one they knew what they were doing. They knew what it was. Like they give they give you all of everything you want from a Mortal Kombat.
Ashley (01:16)
Right.
⁓ yeah.
Chris (01:33)
cool.
Jess (ShortMerc) (01:34)
And then the second one, they really give you everything you want from a Mortal Kombat. It was it was pretty great. ⁓ Go ahead.
Chris (01:36)
Wow. All right.
Ashley (01:41)
Yeah, ⁓ sorry.
I was gonna say there was a point where I was like, this is the best battle I’ve seen. And then I was like, no, this is the best battle. Like, it just kept getting better. I was like, this has got to be the peak. Nope.
Chris (01:49)
Thank
What’d you watch it on?
Jess (ShortMerc) (01:57)
⁓ right now it’s out on Voodoo. I think you still have to pay for it but you’ll own it. ⁓ it’s on Voodoo or Fandango at home and Amazon. ⁓ yeah, we s yeah, we saw it in theaters first. But it it’s ⁓ it’s since come out on some streaming areas. So choose your stream of choice. But yeah, no, it was fucking great. ⁓ and as with everything else that happens on the show, it was not for kids. So
Chris (02:05)
OK.
Ashley (02:06)
We saw it in theaters. Yeah. But yeah.
Chris (02:07)
you did? Okay.
Ashley (02:15)
Mm-hmm.
right.
Jess (ShortMerc) (02:24)
Don’t watch it with your kids unless
you want to explain some very graphic things.
Yeah. That base Yeah, so was Deadpool. Do you not remember that entire campaign of like, Don’t get mad at me because you brought your kids to a rated R movie? Like it’s not just ’cause it’s got a comic book character does not mean it’s for children.
Chris (02:29)
I don’t.
Ashley (02:30)
I think it’s rated R, so, right?
Right. So, yeah.
No, same rule applies here.
Jess (ShortMerc) (02:49)
Yes. Definitely the same rule applies there. But yeah, so down to the nitty gritty ’cause I think we have we’re already starting that ⁓ experimentation. Actually it looks like the nails have been did for this week.
Ashley (03:01)
Yes, plain black. like it. Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Jess (ShortMerc) (03:03)
Yeah. Classy, sleek, very nice.
⁓ so today we have what did you call it? A book note?
Ashley (03:10)
A book nook. Yeah, that’s what they’re called, I think. I call them 3D puzzles, but I don’t know if that’s actually accurate. ⁓ This one, think is title. Yeah, like I make little mini scenes with oops, ⁓ with little wooden pieces.
Chris (03:19)
like a diagram.
That’s in a bookshelf, right?
Do they look
like books?
Ashley (03:31)
So kind of, at the end they’re like little, they’re long enough to fit on a bookshelf between books, which is why, and then you look inside and you see like this little world, ⁓ which is why I think they’re called Book Nooks. But again, what is this one called? DIY, yeah, Book Nook, DIY Book Nook.
Chris (03:51)
they light up too?
Ashley (03:52)
Mm-hmm Yeah, you put in I never I always fail at the wiring part so I end up being like it doesn’t need to light up but I don’t need that but
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:00)
Yeah.
Just leave enough
space for one of those ⁓ battery powered ⁓ votive candles or T lights.
Ashley (04:09)
Exactly. Yeah,
that’s all I need. That’s fine. Yeah, so that’s what I’m doing today if I’m that’s for my, you know, what I’m playing around with. That’s right.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:15)
well.
You’re you’re a self care corner.
So, Chris, you got any fun projects over there?
Chris (04:27)
I just lit a candle.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:28)
Excellent. What kind of candle?
Chris (04:30)
It’s a short-merc candle.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:33)
shit. That looks familiar.
Chris (04:34)
It doesn’t have any labels on it.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:36)
that’s one of the the Palo Santo ones.
Chris (04:38)
It makes nice sounds and it smells good.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:41)
Yeah, I I listened
when you said, Hey, can I have something that is not sweet? I want something that smells like a tree. So and it’s
Chris (04:47)
Yeah, this one’s great.
This is
Ashley (04:53)
I it.
Chris (04:54)
me, I’m experimenting with like morning rituals. ⁓ And I can’t just in my basement office slash room, I can’t really do incense all the time because it gets very, very stuffy. So I’m kind of going back and forth between candles and incense, which has been like a really, really nice mix. I’m trying to get like a few things that are just intentional where.
Jess (ShortMerc) (04:58)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (05:19)
Thinking about how I want my day to go or thinking about how How I’m just how I’m doing in general. So that’s been one of my anchors. It’s been pretty awesome
Jess (ShortMerc) (05:29)
That’s awesome. That is fantastic.
Chris (05:32)
Another anchor is pulling a card. I haven’t done it. I’m gonna pull a card while we’re on air.
Ashley (05:38)
Amen.
Jess (ShortMerc) (05:38)
What? Are we all falling into
the things that make us happy again?
Ashley (05:42)
I love it.
Chris (05:42)
Yeah,
we’ll see what our card is for the day.
Jess (ShortMerc) (05:45)
Alright, I dig it. I dig it. And at the end of everything we’re going to play a game that all of us are going to both love and hate. ⁓
Ashley (05:52)
But.
Chris (05:57)
My
favorite kind of games.
Ashley (06:00)
You said that perfectly terrifyingly. Yep.
Jess (ShortMerc) (06:03)
Great, it’s starting to work. It’s ⁓ it’s it’s my new mode of of frustration release. Just turning into a complete fucking weirdo for a second and letting it come out however it wants. ⁓ so since we’re sharing experimentations.
Ashley (06:04)
Mm-hmm.
Perfect.
I
think that’s great.
Chris (06:19)
So I got this geek oracle deck, it’s Magic the Gathering. These are just, it’s cool symbols, but. Today’s card is Find Your Treasure, Triton. Is that mirrored?
Jess (ShortMerc) (06:24)
That’s awesome.
Ashley (06:25)
Ooh, that’s really cool.
Jess (ShortMerc) (06:29)
That’s that.
⁓ I
Ashley (06:31)
No.
Jess (ShortMerc) (06:32)
No, actually.
Chris (06:33)
it’s mirrored for me! That’s so weird. Alright.
Ashley (06:35)
That’s wild.
Jess (ShortMerc) (06:35)
That yeah, that’s amazing. That’s amazing.
See this is what we do in our spare time, try to figure out what technology is doing. You know, us old folks over here I think technology’s gotten a little too easy. I remember when we had to back in my day No I remember when we had to actually like try. Like you didn’t just stick a floppy disk in the floppy disk drive because you
Chris (06:44)
Ha
Ashley (06:45)
How does this work?
Ahem.
Jess (ShortMerc) (07:03)
your disk drive didn’t read every floppy disk. You had to have very specific ones and like upgrades. You had to do them in a very specific order and then just set it and walk away for six hours and watch the bar tick away. W and then for those of us with Windows XP, we ended up with that little arcade. So while it was upgrading everything else in the background, we just pop into the arcade and like play pinball. It’s great.
Ashley (07:25)
⁓ I miss that pinball game. Mm-hmm.
Chris (07:26)
The end ball was so good. ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (07:28)
Yeah.
Depending on how life goes, I might be putting something like a retro arcade together that anybody can just bounce into when they need a quiet moment on the internet. Yeah. I’m I’m I’m ready for us to have some peace and quiet out here in the wild
Chris (07:39)
That’s fun.
Ashley (07:40)
Yes,
please.
Chris (07:46)
Wild world of webbing.
Jess (ShortMerc) (07:48)
Hell yeah. That’s a good time.
Ashley (07:52)
I love that and I think that’s an excellent way to experiment.
Chris (07:53)
So.
Ha ha.
Jess (ShortMerc) (07:56)
It doesn’t.
Ashley (07:58)
And also, ⁓ go ahead.
Jess (ShortMerc) (08:00)
No. I’m I’m good. You’re good.
Ashley (08:02)
I was going to say, can I know more about Trident? You pulled a card and you showed it to us. It was beautiful. But like, what does it mean?
Jess (ShortMerc) (08:09)
And it’s it said find your treasure and we confirmed
that it’s not well I’m I’m agreeing with you. We d we we confirmed that it’s not backwards. That’s all we got.
Chris (08:17)
Yeah, the fun part about this is that I don’t know a ton of lore around magic, so I just read it. I’ve actually pulled this card like three or four times, which is just annoying, but it’s not annoying. It’s a message. Jesus. I’m looking for it. ⁓ this is, I think this is…
Ashley (08:17)
Right, yeah. Thank you.
What is it saying to you, Chris? Let’s read it and tell us.
Jess (ShortMerc) (08:34)
⁓
No, you don’t get to phone a friend. Keep Jesus out of this.
Ashley (08:44)
And also no shame in just reading it, I’m doing that too, that’s how you learn it.
Chris (08:47)
Okay, this is organized by name of the character on the card, not by name of the card. It says, inside your heart of hearts there is a treasure and your calling is to find it. That inner treasure will tell you what to do and how to find it. Not with words, but with feelings and insights. Life will move you. The Tritons of Theros guard the ocean depths where many secrets lie hidden.
Ashley (08:54)
Huh.
Chris (09:15)
Which kind of pushes me towards ⁓ the whole feeling aspect of it and like kind getting in tune with
the non-materialistic treasure vibes.
which is what I said to my therapist this week. So that makes a lot of sense. Actually, was last week, it? Yeah, last week. was just, I literally like stood around my house for 30 minutes, just kind of pacing back and forth, not sure what to do because everything was like kind of done and there was nothing to do. And so I had a conversation about it and the basic premise was I don’t…
know what I want to do with my free time so I keep myself busy which is great.
So I need to experiment now with…
that, whatever that is.
Ashley (10:09)
I mean, it’s funny because I actually am working on a similar thing. I, everything I need to, everything I do feels like it needs to have some sort of productivity attached to it. ⁓ and I, I don’t remember if I talked about this before, but, I think I’ve taken hinge habits too far a bit. And, ⁓ so I’m like, if I’m doing this one thing, I need to add this other thing. So that way that’s done. And instead of just, Hey, why don’t you just.
take a shower, like it’s, don’t have to take a shower and collect all my laundry and like it doesn’t all have to be together. ⁓ or, you know, let’s let me do my nails while I also listen to this and watch that. Like I make everything ⁓ a thing instead of just, let me just figure out what I do with myself and what, what’s fun and what’s enjoyable. And yeah. So I, I feel you there. I’m maybe that card is for me as well. Thank you.
Chris (11:05)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (11:07)
Balancing act. It’s definitely that. And then if you can’t balance it, you end up like me, who has found a way to take everything that I think I might enjoy and go explore it and experiment with ways to do it. And maybe, possibly, potentially, should the fates allow it, make a dollar. Please.
Chris (11:25)
You spend a lot of time doing the thing without that being a part of the equation. Like, you’ve been making models and arts and stuff for a while before you kind of put anything together with structure.
Jess (ShortMerc) (11:31)
Yeah.
Yeah, I I I felt like I needed to go and figure out what pieces needed to vibe to write with me first. ’cause I I need things that are difficult that are harder for a lot of and d this is not ego stroking at all. But through a lot of playing and stuff, I’ve learned that if things are too easy, I crush them. And not like crushing it, ’cause no, please, Gods know. But ⁓ like I I exert too much force around it, ’cause then it’s just
Now what am I my brain don’t have nothing to do. This too easy. I wanna do something else. So then it becomes physical force energy. So I’ve learned to take take the harder roads of things. And like this week I got really pissed off about something and ended up instead of breaking my fist on a wall, painting what I wanted to do.
Chris (12:27)
Chalice.
Ashley (12:27)
which is beautiful.
Jess (ShortMerc) (12:27)
Yes.
It’s fantastic. It is. And if you look super I don’t know if it’s gonna translate, but it’s raining in the chat list. So it worked. I mean they got it out and the shakes went down so it was nice. It was a good thing.
Chris (12:29)
blood channels.
Ashley (12:36)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (12:37)
you
Ashley (12:39)
That’s really cool.
Jess (ShortMerc) (12:48)
And also quick bef I s I saw that before we get too deep into anything and the momentum actually kicks up. ⁓ happy June to everybody. Happy Pride Month. Happy Juneteenth. Happy everything. ⁓ I know this is a little late for Juneteenth, but you know. Happy Father’s Day, happy all the things.
Chris (12:57)
Happy again.
Ashley (12:57)
Happy June!
Chris (13:01)
Okay.
Ashley (13:05)
It’s never too late.
Jess (ShortMerc) (13:06)
So ⁓ yeah. But yeah, Ashley, what were you gonna say?
Ashley (13:13)
Hmm. No, you didn’t kill it. I think I had a thought and didn’t intend to make a face to say it, and then I think I lost it.
Jess (ShortMerc) (13:14)
Did did I kill it?
Sorry, that was my hypervigilance playing tricks on me then. Huh.
Ashley (13:26)
That’s okay.
I think it was gonna because I’m you know, on an archery kick right now. So forgive me, but I think it was gonna have to do with a bow and it had something something you said made me think of how increasing the weight of my ⁓ of my bow like that 22 to 24 as challenge. It was a challenging necessary upgrade that
is helping me experiment and express and like do things differently. think it was because you said it has to be challenging, it has to be difficult, it has to be hard for you. Like you have to, in order to kind of level up. And I think, I think that’s a really important point to make and to pay attention to that if you, it’s like comfort zones, comfort zones are great for some things, but not for others.
Jess (ShortMerc) (14:15)
Yeah. Yeah,
comfort zones can and the present is a bunch of different ways too. So sometimes you have to kinda wiggle your way out of them to figure out how to level yourself up. ‘Cause I mean ’cause some comfort zones are just
I feel I’m good doing this. There’s no pain. There’s no anything. The gears move smoothly. Everything’s lubed up, ready to go, whatever. Other comfort zones are I’m used to being destructive, so I’m just gonna go be destructive, you know, things like that. But I think at some point the cognizance kinda clicks in and you have you start going, all right, well, this is a little too comfortable. This is starting to kinda feel like a ball and chain and I know I’m capable of more, but I feel like sometimes folks get a little taken aback by that.
I’m capable of doing more, you know, the just like I’m a f because if I know I’m capable of doing more, then does that mean my standard is higher and can I fail more? We’re not on failure yet, but
Ashley (15:08)
Not yet.
Jess (ShortMerc) (15:10)
That’s it’s kind of one of those things where you you look at it and it’s just like so then you you slide back into the comfort zone because well I don’t have to answer those questions right now. I can kinda put them on ice or I don’t wanna know what I can do I’m capable of. I like breaking things and then you I mean you can like breaking things, but let’s be honest, eventually you know you have to clean up that mess and broken glass all the damn time. It’s no fun. So you know.
But I liked I like to look at it like that and kind of stepping outside of the comfort zone. Once you make that decision and that realization, I that’s where you start to play around a bit. And I think when people hear experimentation, they think too much of like ⁓ social norms, you know, are like sexual identity and like your job and things like that. Not that those aren’t important and we’ll probably touch on those. But it can also be a a point where you just make a realization and then you put forth the effort, I feel like
is a really good important starting point for experimentation is to just go, okay, I wanna change a thing, ’cause comfort zones are they’re good for resting and, you know, recalibrating when you need to whip it out, like a campsite in Skyrim. But y you don’t really need to unpack and just live there. Like there there are a lot of places you can go. There are a lot of areas you can venture into to even just get out of that. ‘Cause it’s always gonna be there, like you’re always gonna have it.
Ashley (16:16)
Yes.
Yeah, you can always slip back into it. It’s just a matter. You do have to experiment to see kind of where you can grow, where you can, like, what is your next, what is your level up? You can’t know unless you’re experimenting. Because even if somebody tells you, unless you try it yourself. And again, sorry, if I talk about archery too much, just know it’s my current obsession. But thank you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (16:52)
There’s no such thing as talking too much about archery. We’re no.
Ashley (16:55)
Thank you.
But the reason I say that is because it was when he, when Dave was like, you know, try the 24, he literally said to me,
And don’t just try it on one shot, two shots, three shots. He’s like, try it for the rest of your session and tell me how it is. ⁓ He made sure I wasn’t like shaking or anything and I wasn’t. And so he was like, don’t just, you know, he said it nicer, but essentially he was like, don’t fucking just be like, nope, it’s too hard and run away. Like he didn’t say that, but that was my interpretation of it. And that was.
Jess (ShortMerc) (17:23)
Yeah. Yeah.
Ashley (17:27)
necessary because immediately I started doing it and I was like, I can’t do this. right back to day one, I was like, I can’t do this. There’s no way I’m terrible at it. It’s too heavy. It’s too hard. ⁓ And then I experimented with it for a while and I was like, this is okay. It’s hard in a good way. This is actually really nice. So it just feels like a good reminder to for other things in life. Just sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s difficult. And sometimes you might
be like, nope, it’s I’m not ready for this level up. But how are you going to know if you don’t try if you don’t experiment, play around, you know, listen to what the cards are telling you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (18:05)
I I think a lot of people’s treasures also in play too and they don’t we don’t I and this is a topic that’s been beat to death, so I’m gonna resurrect it and beat it again. ⁓ but the more that we think we grow up and we get older and and move through life, the more experience we seem to gather, the less people attach to playing around.
Ashley (18:05)
Mm-hmm.
Excellent.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (18:27)
That’s that’s literally
the lowest stress, lowest stakes way to experiment and learn and explore is to play around. Like there’s a song and I forget who sings it, but one of the lines is I do my best work when I’m just playin’ Like Yeah. But
Somewhere along the line we’re taught that it’s too silly and we have to be taken seriously. And you can’t experiment like that. If you experiment you need to do it the strict scientific, academic way. Take notes and study and do all these things. But I think we also forget that our brains will take the experiments and take what we’re supposed to be learning and take what it needs and slough off the rest. We’re very good at sloughhing things. That’s a disgusting word. It’s a pretty gross word.
Ashley (19:07)
Yeah, is. Please finish
with that word. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (19:11)
Yeah, yeah, that experiment failed horribly. Not using that anymore. Ooh. Yeah.
Chris (19:16)
Is that a real word? Slothing?
Jess (ShortMerc) (19:19)
Sloughing.
Chris (19:19)
Slothing. I thought it was like being a sloth.
Ashley (19:22)
That would be fine.
Jess (ShortMerc) (19:22)
No, that that would be a
a much better word. But yeah, no, the other one, it’s ⁓ it’s gross. It’s n nah. It’s nasty. But ⁓ speaking of experiments that fail, we’re done with that. We’ll just go and we’ll revert to moist. and just keep that as the creepy the creepy word.
Chris (19:28)
Yeah, that’s not great.
That’s good.
Ashley (19:42)
Thank you, that one doesn’t bother me.
Chris (19:43)
That’s what we’re.
Jess (ShortMerc) (19:45)
Yeah.
Yeah. But ⁓ yeah, I I feel like Chris you’re over there and you’re like pondering off into the the vastness of thought.
Chris (19:52)
Yeah,
I am. I’m not quite sure kind of where my mind got to, but just thinking, I guess just sharing my story and like hearing what you guys think because my comfort, when you talk about comfort zone, this week has been a week of just pushing.
way past where I’m typically comfortable and part of it is because the discomfort of the comfort zone became too great and mostly having to do with setting boundaries with my kids and and yet it hasn’t felt like I’m pushing against a comfort zone or anything or outside of one because
of the way I accidentally framed it. I’ve been actually, since we’ve been having some of these conversations, I’ve been really kind of taking that idea that we’ve shared about how you live in relationship with your environment and the people in your life and really trying to look at my life through that lens and have subsequently kept my desk clean, like.
not like you know slowly cleaning my room but also my relationship with my kids is more now about this is like i’m mad at you because of this this and that
but that’s, it’s not about you. Like, and I’m more having like a honest conversation about what’s going on with me and framing it around, this is the kind of relationship that I want with you. I don’t want to be yelled at. Like, that’s not going to be an acceptable way to have a conversation if you want to, if you want to have a relationship with me.
And the first time I said it, the translation was, my ⁓ dad doesn’t want a relationship with me. So thankfully that was expressed ⁓ to her mom. And I came in and was like, no, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that that’s not the kind of relationship that I want. Like I want to have something that’s more respectful and more honest.
Jess (ShortMerc) (21:47)
Ha ha.
Ashley (21:48)
Of
Chris (22:06)
It’s like, it’s gotten so interesting and like flowy that not only has my confidence grown in the way that I’m setting boundaries and ⁓ not being as much of a pushover, there’s just times that I have zero energy and I’m like, whatever.
But in those times, I’m more honest and I’m like, can’t deal with this right now. I’m going downstairs. So even in those times, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m seeing just in a week’s time, the growth even that my kid has had in the way she relates even to herself and like the self play that she has is completely different.
up into the up to the fact that or not the fact but the the notice that I had that during her dance competition she didn’t look like sunken in and tired and I’m like there there’s there’s something there that we’re experiencing this past week where I know that whatever we’re doing is helping to create that but
I guess I’m also not viewing her as much as a child anymore and I’m kind of giving her a chance to be responsible for the things that she’s doing too. I think it all plays together. And the thing that was curious to me when you guys were talking about the comfort zone is it was just a decision that I made and I haven’t felt…
uncomfortable going in that direction and it’s either because it was it got too uncomfortable doing the other thing or my focus became around how I actually want my life to be and how I want to focus on the relationships that I have with with my life and it wasn’t even a question about whether it was comfortable or not for me it was just this is how how I want things so I really
The reason I was kind of off in space when you guys were talking was like, was trying to think, well, what was it? what? It that this change, while a very difficult change for me to set boundaries and to talk about how I’m feeling has been an actually pretty easy change. So the whole discomfort part of it, I was like, yeah, it usually is discomfort, but it’s it’s been an easy kind of transition for me.
Jess (ShortMerc) (24:37)
It’s good. I mean to me what I’m hearing is that you’re ready to grow and be the next version of Chris. I mean you what I’m hearing is you’ve you started experimenting with different ways to, you know, deal with yourself, hold yourself accountable, hold your kids accountable and and look at your kid like a tiny human instead of Don’t eat the markers please. Like, that’s a awesome.
Chris (24:50)
Yeah.
been a week, it’s been a weird week. It’s like short version. Somehow Monday, there was Vaseline all over the entire floor of our house. And Tuesday, there was chapstick and toothpaste smushed into a screen, a window screen, because it was an art project.
Jess (ShortMerc) (25:13)
Great.
Ashley (25:22)
my god.
Chris (25:23)
But because I had this new kind of idea of how I wanted to do that and be like, this creates a lot of work for me. Like, I’m really happy that you are experimenting, but can you ask me about it first? Because then I can help direct you in the best way to do it. And she did help us clean up, which was awesome. And it’s kind of opened this whole new world of ⁓ relating with each other, which is the whole point, I guess.
Jess (ShortMerc) (25:51)
Yeah, man.
Ashley (25:51)
and communicating
Chris (25:51)
What
Ashley (25:52)
and communicating
Chris (25:53)
was that? Communicating, yes. Which is huge.
Jess (ShortMerc) (25:57)
Yeah, I know.
It’s great. No, this is this is that’s fucking fantastic, honestly. It’s phenomenal. ‘Cause I know that’s been a a pain for you. Not even a pain point, just like a radial consistent pain for you for a long
Chris (26:11)
Yeah. And I haven’t been
able to talk about it. I think maybe because I wasn’t willing to like do anything about it.
Jess (ShortMerc) (26:18)
Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about too. Like that’s that’s when you start to have that feeling of I’m really uncomfortable in my comfort. But I don’t wanna do anything about it yet. And it’s like, yeah, but at some point you’re gonna have to or you’re gonna trap yourself in there. And y it seems like you got there too. Like you got to the point where you’re like, No, it’s just fucking time and even just talking about it coming up to this point and
Ashley (26:25)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (26:40)
talking about it. You know, you’re able to start looking at things going, Yeah, I think I want a different relationship with that. And you’re and and this isn’t even an I deserve, right? This is you are a thing that exists. And as something that exists, your existence deser well not deserves, but should be respected. It’s that fucking brain lapse thing, you know, when you say the wrong word and then it just imprints right in the middle of your head and you’re like, damn it, that’s not what I meant.
Chris (26:51)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ashley (27:02)
Yep.
Chris (27:03)
It
kinda is a deserve though, but it’s almost in a sense like I deserve to treat myself that way.
Jess (ShortMerc) (27:11)
I think we should get away from the word deserve. Yeah, I think ’cause that it starts to I have a theory about humans and ego. And humans are just a little too young to know how to properly express their ego. ⁓ ’cause it turns into issues of not communicating, it turns into issues of blame, it turns into issues of jealousy and greed and stuff, and you gotta be in a certain head space or
Chris (27:14)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (27:36)
force space or crunch space to to have ego ⁓ sustainably. So some people can handle a big ego and they handle it well. Some people should not have a big ego. Some people should have the ego button you turn on and off when y I have an ego when I need it and I ha don’t when I don’t.
But I think the word deserve kind of tricks a lot of folks into going, Yeah, I deserve that and then you get it I think it’s disrespectful to the to the spirit of conflict. If that makes sense. Because I think people, you know, they get ready to fight when they say, I deserve the thing and it’s a you don’t have this is not f you don’t need to activate fight, like let fight sleep. This is observation. So as a Yeah, like as a thing that exists
Chris (28:15)
That’s interesting, yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (28:18)
Respect is something that should be innately given. At least that’s my opinion. They I think every you know, and people like respect is earned. I think everything we should flip that. Kind of you know, if everybody’s innocent until proven guilty, then why don’t we just give respect until someone says I’m gonna shit all over the world? Fuck you. You don’t give my respect. I’m gonna go give it to somebody else who needs it. You know? Yeah.
Chris (28:40)
think that’s about respecting yourself too though. If you respect
yourself, then you can give everyone respect and trust yourself that you won’t put up with crossing boundaries.
Jess (ShortMerc) (28:53)
Yeah.
And I think you you do have to earn self respect though. You need to prove to yourself that you can respect you. Is if you just I dis I deserve this and I should be respected and I respect myself. No, you’re just shitting out a bunch of hot air at that point. ⁓ at that point I I think y you don’t respect yourself. Your subconscious definitely doesn’t respect you.
Ashley (29:14)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (29:15)
Like if you’re fighting that hard to tell yourself that you respect you, you don’t respect you. Take a deep breath and and take a walk on the inside. But I think as a person and a a being of existence, the innate respect that you are showing yourself that you have earned through going through the ringer, now you’re able to start forming those boundaries and those relationships with boundaries. Cause I think too some people form shitty relationships with boundaries. I know I did. ⁓ like
My boundaries were so cemented and concrete and hard and laced and barbed wire that they just broke all all the fucking time. They weren’t good for me. They were hard to maintain and they were resource heavy. ⁓ my relationship with boundaries was just garbage, you know? And at some point I think I took the respect walk and went, Well fuck.
Ashley (29:54)
Thank
Jess (ShortMerc) (30:03)
And then even my relationship with my friends has the it’s gotten different. The relationship with the others on the inside is vastly different. Now we’re working on the physical relationship with body. ⁓ I think once you get to that point and you realize this is the relationship I want because I am this person. Like Chris, you don’t want to be yelled at. How do I function? Well, not if you yell at me.
Ashley (30:32)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (30:33)
And it’s
Chris (30:33)
Bye.
Jess (ShortMerc) (30:33)
there’s there’s there’s no I deserve in that whatsoever. It’s like no. Just pfft break down. Nope. Mm-mm. Not happening. Not doing it.
Chris (30:43)
I guess the way I see it with the word deserve is that if I say, deserve to buy this thing, then like, it’s kind of an angry sort of vibe like you had mentioned. But the way I was thinking about it earlier, if I’m talking about, I deserve to not be yelled at, to me that feels more of a compassionate vibe than an angry vibe for some reason.
Jess (ShortMerc) (31:03)
Maybe for me it maybe it’s the not. Maybe that is part of it too. It’s like I d because when people say they deserve a thing, I don’t know, maybe I’m just seeing the in between of, Well, I deserve the thing, but then who said you shouldn’t have it in the first place? So why is there conflict here? Like why is that there? Or if it’s like I deserve to have a conversation with a person and then yelling is not how I respond or I respond better to
Chris (31:17)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (31:27)
focal soft tones or conversational tones. Maybe that’s what it is. Because I feel like a lot of folks when they say deserve thanks for that, ’cause I I yeah.
Chris (31:35)
It is. I think it’s, I think you’re right. I think it’s like I
deserve to speak my boundaries. I think that’s really the main sentence behind what I’m trying to get at.
Jess (ShortMerc) (31:44)
Yeah. And again, who told you you can’t? Who told you you can’t? Brit Well fuck that! Listen, Kripke showed us what happens to a douchebag god. You get replaced by a t five year old named Jack. Alright?
Chris (31:48)
What’s that? Probably God.
Ashley (32:00)
True.
Jess (ShortMerc) (32:01)
But yeah. We just finished it again and that last epi the last two episodes killed me.
Chris (32:01)
I gotta re-watch that.
Ashley (32:06)
Yeah, that was tough.
Chris (32:08)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (32:08)
Yeah, they I so many tears. And I only cry in war movies, so
Ashley (32:14)
I’m
Chris (32:15)
talking about supernatural
just for in case anyone hasn’t seen it I watch I actually watched the first episode I was like this is actually way darker than the actual series is no
Jess (ShortMerc) (32:18)
Yeah.
Ye dude no. The series is
dark as shit. There are like two seasons where they get bubblegum popped for a second and we all know why. but it is fucked up. Like the boys, the way they arc is so rugged and not in the that’s hot, rugged, but like you know how you need a an otter box to keep your shit together. It’s it’s brutal. And then it makes you go
Ashley (32:32)
Yep.
Yeah, it really is.
Jess (ShortMerc) (32:49)
we really should have seen this coming in the boys.
Ashley (32:52)
Yeah.
Chris (32:53)
Did
you see the latest season? That episode was so perfect. that was so nice. I love that. No spoilers, but there’s an episode that I really appreciated.
Ashley (32:55)
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Jess (ShortMerc) (33:00)
Yep, yep. Yeah.
Yep. Yeah. That it was good. It was really, really good. And I think that’s ⁓ Kripke played around a little bit with some of that too. Didn’t he? He was he was ⁓ he he created it, yeah. Yeah, that’s why that’s where we got the boys back in ⁓ season five. So well s even starting in season one I think we got ⁓ yeah, but I’m what’s his what’s his actual name?
Ashley (33:11)
Yeah.
Chris (33:17)
Is he the writer of that? Did? I didn’t know that.
Ashley (33:19)
Yep. Yep.
Chris (33:25)
Cool. Cool.
Ashley (33:29)
Bobby.
Chris (33:33)
It’s Bobby.
That’s his name.
Ashley (33:34)
It’s Bobby Singer.
Jess (ShortMerc) (33:35)
J just
Bobby.
Ashley (33:35)
I don’t, it doesn’t, ⁓ Beaver, Beaver, his last name is Beaver, Jim Beaver. Yes.
Jess (ShortMerc) (33:40)
Jim?
That was way too difficult.
Chris (33:43)
It’s Bobby,
I think. I think it’s still Bobby.
Jess (ShortMerc) (33:46)
Your name is Bobby. Just just yeah. It’s that’s Bobby now. No, but like he shows up wicked early in the series and then ⁓ I didn’t either until we started rewatching that too. And then ⁓ which by the way, fuck Nazis.
Ashley (33:47)
We’re gonna just stick with Bobby.
⁓
Yeah,
that’s a pretty… yeah. ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (34:05)
That’s a blanket
statement I think everyone should ch should keep on. Just fuck Nazis. ⁓ but yeah, that was ⁓ it was pretty pretty great. Like we were watching that one, and then I think Cassiel, Misha Collins, and Sam help the Polish guy. Jared Patalecki, there we go. ⁓ they show up in I think season five. Ashley
Chris (34:06)
was a great message.
Ashley (34:08)
Yes.
If you get nothing else out of this episode, fuck Nazis.
Chris (34:27)
Yeah, there you go.
Jess (ShortMerc) (34:31)
of the boys and then Jensen’s in season four ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ dude, Yes
Chris (34:33)
It was a perfect cameo.
Ashley (34:35)
Yeah.
Chris (34:37)
It was perfect. With Seth Rogen.
Ashley (34:39)
It was.
⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (34:44)
I think he was a producer.
Ashley (34:44)
He’s
set. He was. he also when you rewatch it, he was in the first season as well. So just like it was a throwback. Yeah. All right. Now we need an episode about just Cripke, I think.
Jess (ShortMerc) (34:50)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chris (34:56)
⁓ we
could do a lot of episodes about that.
Jess (ShortMerc) (34:58)
We’ll we’ll do an
after hours episode on ⁓ on all of his thing. Dude, that guy he he went through a lot of of experimentation on in his shows though. Like he there were some that you were like, What acid fueled dream is this? Like it’s not bad, but holy shit, what am I looking at right now?
Ashley (35:01)
Perfect.
Mm-hmm.
Chris (35:18)
it off for really
long time like way longer than shows that were similar did it for you know did he wasn’t the one that did firefly was he
Ashley (35:24)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (35:29)
No, we don’t talk about that, man.
Ashley (35:29)
No.
No one did Firefly. It just happened just out of… Right.
Jess (ShortMerc) (35:33)
Yeah, it’s spontaneous combustion.
Chris (35:36)
Why don’t we talk about that?
Jess (ShortMerc) (35:38)
We’ll talk about why we don’t talk about that later. But ⁓ yeah, no, they’re they’re redo I’m happy for Ashley helped me, ’cause all I’m thinking is guy with the bowl cut.
Chris (35:40)
Okay, okay.
he’s great. Affin… Affinicator. Affillion. Affillion. Affillion?
Ashley (35:52)
⁓ Nathan Fillion.
Jess (ShortMerc) (35:54)
Thank you. Yeah, I’m really glad that he
he was kind of super attached to to his character and to the project ’cause they’re bringing it back as an animated spot. ⁓ so it’s gonna be it’s gonna be pretty I mean Shepard God rest soul, but whichever god he wants. But ⁓ yeah. I’m I’m pretty stoked about that. And Kripke Kripke understands one element that I feel like a lot of people don’t get in movies, books, T V shows, games.
Chris (36:03)
I’ve heard that.
Jess (ShortMerc) (36:22)
It’s the character element. Like it’s it’s the chaos of the character. Because let me tell you, I have tried to write based off of and I’m I’m not just saying this to toot my own hoard here, but I’ve this is something I’ve tried in the past of like just writing based off of what I want the plot to be. And then starting with the characters and how they should, you know, present for this plot to logically make sense. And it falls flat, like hard. And then when I go through it I’m like, you tell me how this story goes, ’cause like
Ashley (36:23)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (36:49)
I know about the end result, but how the fuck did you guys get there? And then following them through their maladies and benevolences, it’s kind of really interesting and like their their quirkiness and the different that like like Dean Winchester loves pie. He loves pie so much Sam slams pie in his face and he eats it off of his own nose after being annoyed. Like But that’s a deanism, but he’s also the perfect killer.
Ashley (37:06)
Hi.
Yes.
Jess (ShortMerc) (37:14)
So it’s just like how did he get from point A to point B? Well, you see him being a complete ass to himself and other people, but also being a fun ass here and there when he tells the cops that the only thing real are his what actually?
Ashley (37:26)
Hold up, his- he says boobs. I think. I always- I used to think it was boots, but it’s boobs. I think. Boobs. The only thing that are real are his boobs.
Jess (ShortMerc) (37:28)
Ha ha ha.
Chris (37:33)
What does he say?
Oof.
Jess (ShortMerc) (37:43)
Like
Ashley (37:43)
For years I was like, he’s saying boots! No he’s not, anyway.
Jess (ShortMerc) (37:49)
But ⁓ yeah, so like like he understands the character aspect and then he lets the characters like fuck up.
Chris (37:55)
Rrrrr
Ashley (37:56)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (37:56)
And I
don’t mean just like in their relation to each other. He lets the characters just fuck like sometimes there are things that were completely out of sync for his characters and the boys and in ⁓ supernatural. And that’s the same for me. There’s some things that the characters do that we played around with it and we’re like, no. No, that didn’t work. That’s like mentioning that other word that we’re not gonna say anymore because Ashley hates it and it’s a disgusting word. ⁓ like, no, that was a bad bet.
Ashley (38:19)
Thank you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (38:24)
We’re not gonna do that. And he like respects the decision to keep going.
Chris (38:27)
There was like one episode where the deep was like almost a good guy.
Jess (ShortMerc) (38:31)
Yes
Ashley (38:31)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (38:33)
God he’s so shit. Ugh
Ashley (38:35)
Yeah. yeah.
Chris (38:37)
What a great character.
Ashley (38:40)
Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (38:40)
my gosh, Chase Crawford did it he did well. And a shout out to him for playing off his stereotype.
Ashley (38:43)
Yes, he did.
Chris (38:46)
Hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (38:47)
He did that well.
Ashley (38:47)
Yeah.
Mm hmm. Yeah, acting is a really I mean, acting is an incredible form of expression. mean, I am no actor, but I just I love movies and TV shows. And I mean, I just love watching an actor go from one character to another, to another, to another. It’s just like, my God, you are talk about a form of expression that is vast and unique and sometimes flops.
And again, ⁓ failure, we’ll talk about it later, but failure is such a part of everything, including that. mean, how many, every actor has had a failure, like maybe they didn’t do a really good job with the acting, and it doesn’t mean they’re bad actor, it just means, tried something, didn’t work. I just, I love that whole industry, it’s so cool.
Chris (39:36)
But it’s.
Jess (ShortMerc) (39:39)
Yeah.
Chris (39:40)
Interestingly about that is most actors do play different characters, but Jensen is is Jensen It feels like like both of those characters are the same character
Jess (ShortMerc) (39:50)
We joke about Jensen because we remember him and and Smallville too when he was ⁓ Yeah, it was like season four, what is his name? Like Jason Teague or something like that. Yeah, no, I remember because when he died in that season, Dean Winchester was born. So but yeah, he he and he was on Days of Days of Our Life, is that the stroke? Yeah.
Chris (39:55)
I didn’t see him in Smallville.
Ashley (40:00)
Season, yeah, yeah it sorry, nevermind.
Yeah.
days of our lives,
Jess (ShortMerc) (40:16)
So he was ⁓ he kinda went through that at least on the screen, he went through that, you know, generic arc of like this is how I build a career, and then I think once he got to cause there was an interview way back in the day where he was talking about his spirituality and everything and and how it’s changed since supernatural, and we joke that Jensen Accles died and Dean Winchester just took over.
Ashley (40:40)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (40:41)
Dean was just like, alright Jensen, get out of here. And then Jensen, if he did come back, was like, no no no. We’re gonna fuse together and just y you just wear my face.
Chris (40:51)
Yeah. I’m going to open a brewery.
Jess (ShortMerc) (40:53)
R I’m gonna go sing it open a brewery
Ashley (40:53)
Yep. Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (40:57)
and you just go do stuff. Yeah.
Ashley (40:58)
That’s right.
Yeah, so he like found his character, but he also he played a little bit of a different character in Countdown 2, it was so so he yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (41:07)
Yep.
Chris (41:08)
I didn’t realize he
had so many different roles, because Supernatural is like 15 or 16 seasons, right? Jesus. So he spent 20 years being Dean and Soldier Boy. No, I guess not 20 years, because he was only in a few seasons.
Jess (ShortMerc) (41:15)
Fifteen, yeah.
Ashley (41:16)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (41:25)
Yeah. Not yet, ’cause there is a soldier boy spent off.
Ashley (41:26)
Still, yeah.
Chris (41:30)
I heard about that.
Jess (ShortMerc) (41:31)
Yep.
Ashley (41:32)
Vought Rising, I think is what it’s called, because it’s not just about Soldier Boy, but all the Supernatural fans are like, it’s a Soldier Boy spin-off, it is. Right. We all know it.
Chris (41:39)
He’s so.
Jess (ShortMerc) (41:39)
It’s a soldier boy spinach.
Yeah.
Yeah. It’s it’s gonna be I and again, kudos to Kripke for c keeping his shit alive for as long as he has been, ’cause I think wasn’t Generation V that got cancelled. Yeah. Well that’s the thing, it’s like some people liked it, some people didn’t, and it it wasn’t Yeah. Yeah, the universe is pretty cool.
Ashley (41:55)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Chris (41:56)
Did it?
I really like that show.
I like the universe though too, so that helped a lot.
Jess (ShortMerc) (42:07)
I’d be interested to see I’m not gonna never mind, I’m not gonna say anything else. We said no spoilers. I’ll spoil it next year. ⁓ But yeah. So I think all that to say is experimentation’s really fucking important, you know? ⁓ and again I think there are some pillars that folks are a little more
Ashley (42:14)
There you go.
Jess (ShortMerc) (42:27)
First in experimenting, I mean, especially in the life stuff. Like people experiment with their sexuality all the time just to figure out where they fit. You know, they experiment with job industries, they experiment with different ways to talk to people. I mean, actually, on a daily basis, you’re trying to figure out how to talk to clients and staff and insert anything else here. Other people as and verticals that are adjacent to yours. ⁓ and sometimes it you don’t.
Ashley (42:48)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (42:53)
get it right. Like sometimes it’s just do you fuck it up. You know. And that’s part of the whole human condition I I think. And it I guess it’s not even just limited to humans though, ’cause I I watched my little shop dog back there try to do some things and he he experiments quite a bit.
Ashley (43:10)
He does. Well, he really does. But that makes me think of two, like that brought motivational interviewing to my brain because you’re not necessarily experimenting, you’re, you’re sometimes you’re asking, you’re doing a reflection or ⁓ a summary. And the idea is if you’re wrong, you’re that’s going to prompt the client, like that’s going to help the client. And prompt is a bad word for it, but like help the client tell you that you’re wrong.
Jess (ShortMerc) (43:12)
Shop dog likes to experiment.
Ashley (43:37)
whereas sometimes it might feel uncomfortable. if you’re like, does that, like if I summarize this, does that sound like what you’re experiencing or did I get that right? And I think that makes all the difference for people. So sometimes again, just, I feel like I lost my train there, but that brought up motivational interviewing for me because it is so important to just kind of play around with.
what kind of conversation you’re having and make sure you’re understanding something correctly or you’re, ⁓ you know, as far as when I’m, I’m with clients, sorry, ⁓ if I’m with clients or with staff, I’m trying to experiment with different things and that with the asterisk of.
You don’t just experiment to experiment as a therapist. It has to make sense. It has to be evidence-based, all of that good therapist stuff. But if you have a client that you’re like, you know what? I’m not sure about this, but let’s try it. Are you willing? Do you feel like that’s a safe place to go? That’s really important.
Jess (ShortMerc) (44:37)
Yeah. Yeah, it’s somebody who’s been through several several therapists. Several therapists. ⁓ landing on the one that I’ve got now, we try shit all the time. Like he’s like, I don’t know if this is gonna work, but let’s give it are you comfortable giving it a shot? And I’m like, I mean, I haven’t done it before, so fuck, I don’t know, but let’s go.
You know, so even from the client perspective, it’s really f fucking nice to have a therapist who’s willing to not really play around with your mental health, but play around when you’re in a good good enough place to explore and experiment, you know, and takes it fucking seriously enough to be like, all right, this is still your mental health, but the trip can be fun. Like just ’cause you have to go to the doctor doesn’t mean you have to sit in there and listen to like Russian opera the entire time and like be sad about your life.
‘Cause you have to go to a doctor’s appointment. Like you could rock out in the car and go to your doctor’s appointment. Both things can be true.
Ashley (45:30)
Exactly.
Exactly. I mean, it’s important because you because that’s the thing, too. At least when we’re talking therapy, I don’t know your life. if I like whoever I’m working with, I’m trying to learn their life, but I’m never going to experience it the way that they are. And so I need sometimes I do need to be transparent, just like your therapist and say, I, know, I list. You want to try this? This it sounds like this would be really good for you. What do you think?
And again, not just choosing either and being like, we’re going to experiment and this is what we’re going to try. ⁓ But, you know, being a partner.
Jess (ShortMerc) (46:05)
Yeah. Yeah. It’s there’s there’s an art to therapy, I feel like, from I there’s an art to everything, and that’s like Chris you were saying in ⁓ an earlier episode, like we kinda limit creativity to the arts. I think we limit art to the arts, honestly. ⁓ I I think when we start looking at it, ’cause it’s the process is fastly the same and even in science where experimentation is a documented must point.
Ashley (46:06)
and let’s play around.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (46:31)
the process is still the same. I mean, you gotta go in there and you gotta be willing to fail and fuck up. And if you go in there with an ego that’s strung out on, I am the greatest, you you’ve already failed. That’s true failure in my book. but then you go into it and you start looking around and you’re like, okay, so I know where the stress points are, I know where the weak points are, I know where the break points are.
Ashley (46:42)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (46:53)
And this is the result that we’re I think hoping to get probably. So let’s see if we’re in a place so we’re avoiding all of these other str the all of the breakpoints, the scary stuff. Alright, cool. We’re in a safe place. Let’s let’s go ahead and play around with how to get from point A to point B, because sometimes it’s not a straight line. ⁓
Some sometimes even if you are the unstoppable force, the immovable object just forces you to split. That’s that’s it. But sometimes you just gotta play around a little bit more. And I think like even in in pe and people don’t say this either, but in customer service it’s not like there’s an art to getting someone to calm down. There’s an art to making everybody happy.
getting to the same result and then continuing to stand your ground and like uphold policy and procedure for those who are listening from a corporate lens out there. ⁓ but it’s the same thing. You know, the arts art is in everything.
Ashley (47:41)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (47:47)
But the only way to truly I think the only way to really truly see art in this shared experience is to play around, is to experiment, is to acknowledge that failure is an option and it’s not gonna break you. It might break a part of you, but it’s not gonna break the whole of you. Because everybody is the unstoppable force to a point. This is the episode where Chris is just off in space, like, whoa.
Ashley (48:01)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (48:13)
He’s he’s major chombing without the problems.
Chris (48:18)
I am I I’m making really weird connections like because because you talk about Failing and then my brain goes to failing for it, which is the corporate term which isn’t necessarily a bad thing You know, but then I think about Edison and his story is It took him a lot of failure to get to the light bulb and one of those failures was learning about controlled explosions
And so which was like kind of an artistic process to get to the light bulb, but then my brain went to because we have light, like one of the biggest artistic expressions these days is surrounding light and what people do with with different colors and things like that. So that’s why I’m just sitting in my own world listening to you guys is my I don’t even know what to talk about because I’m just like it’s my brain is jumping from one thing to another. ⁓
which is, it’s been fun for me. I like when I’m quiet too, because sometimes I’ll just like top of mind kind of blurt things out. So it’s nice to kind of be present with a conversation and still have my brain jumping from thing to thing. That’s where I’ve been all session.
Ashley (49:15)
Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (49:30)
Yeah, it’s
Yeah,
no, that’s like
Ashley (49:34)
session.
Chris (49:37)
It’s session for me.
Jess (ShortMerc) (49:40)
man, this
is great. We should we should run around and do like groups like this. Just chat with people. But yeah, I think I I like the idea of exploring and ex expressing and I I think with experimentation you kinda need exploration and e expression. I don’t th I think you gotta figure out and this is another thing that I’ve been learning personally, ⁓ especially when mastering that toddler named Anger, is
Ashley (49:46)
There you go.
Jess (ShortMerc) (50:06)
self mastery of self is vastly important. Like you just set yourself up to fail regardless if you do not have mastery of self. But the weird thing about that is that you have to accept that there is no mastery of self at the beginning. Like the only thing you have are inklings and feelings and especially in a society where we’re taught that no your feelings are just feelings, let them go. It’s like fuck off dude. Like without a feeling
One, we wouldn’t be hooked on it. And two and two, we wouldn’t go and explore things. We wouldn’t like play around with shit we’ve never played around with before because we don’t know what we’re capable of until we followed the feeling into the forest. You know? I mean like don’t go messing with fairy mounds and shit. I ev even if you’re just a science-based individual, fungus is bad when you don’t know what it does. So
Ashley (50:37)
Well done.
True.
Can you… sorry, go ahead. I was wondering if you could… When you say mastery of self, what do you think of? Because I think of something… I immediately go to something else. Or maybe not. What do you think of?
Jess (ShortMerc) (51:02)
good. No, that was a
When I say mastery of self, I mean like you’ve given yourself enough space to explore the difference between the conscious, the subconscious, the not difference between it, the viscousness of just existing. I know. The it’s viscosity, but I like viscousness.
Ashley (51:29)
Viscous. Okay, what?
I like that too.
Chris (51:34)
Thank
Ashley (51:34)
Wait, hold up, sorry. Now I need words with Jess. What does that mean?
Jess (ShortMerc) (51:39)
so
hold on, I gotta see if I can tie this to something that’ll be So you know when Van Helsing, ⁓ the 2004 movie with Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale, I’m going all the way back there. You know when Carl is looking at the syringe in the floating bubble, and she’s like, Go ahead and grab it, and he goes, No, I’m not gonna grab it. You never stick your hands in a viscous material. The reason it’s floating is because it’s got a certain thickness and density to it, so it’s got a certain viscosity.
Ashley (51:49)
Hell yeah.
yes.
Jess (ShortMerc) (52:06)
So but it’s not normal water because that doesn’t happen with things of higher density than what the water molecules can hold in that area, which is why freezing is an important th. So we’re not gonna get into that. But yeah. So but the viscosity between states, like when you understand that I like creepy shit. Like this this fucking skull right here I’m working on for a piece.
Ashley (52:17)
Gotcha. Yeah, but that was helpful. Thank you. Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (52:30)
I like creepy shit, but it’s gonna come out looking awesome, still somewhat creepy, but awesome. And I had to learn that the hard way because I was, you know, told me you shouldn’t be creepy, you should I have all these things stacked against me. But fuck it. This is something that makes me feel like I want to go and keep exploring another version of expression of self, which for me is finding rocks and putting them in resin and then making pretty things out of them.
⁓ so when I say expression of self, it’s giving yourself enough room to explore the things that you feel you may or may not like or you feel period. It’s just like, Whoa, this is a weird sensation. Let me go e explore it.
And then learning it enough to go, this sensation leads to this causality or this causation. And then this is the avenue I took to get here. So if I want to f it’s essentially manufacturing the relationships that you wanna have based off of the natural and organic sensations that you’re having just by existing.
So it’s a synergy. When I say mastery of self, it’s the synergy of the chaos, of the fact that you just exist to exist and the order of I want to follow the logistics to this endpoint. And knowing that you can repeat it.
Chris (53:38)
feel like that changes so often though, like, cause if I’m thinking about that process, ⁓ and I’m like mastery over a style of music maybe that I’m writing, and then I try to go back and recreate that, I’m just at a different place and that’s not gonna give me the same kind of…
Jess (ShortMerc) (53:54)
But that’s
not your style. Like the way that you said that makes it sound like you’re trying to master like Beethoven’s style, for example, as your own. Yeah, but that’s so I mean I could understand like I think I think for the mastery side of it, not to cut you off like that. It just but the mastery side of it isn’t like
Chris (54:01)
Yeah, yeah,
That’s fine.
Jess (ShortMerc) (54:14)
complete control over. It’s not like the process I need complete control over. It’s knowing that this clicks into this and if I want to feel like this, that’s how I go about doing it. But then if I strip away everything else I can see that the bass chords and studs and everything are all
It’s the same thing. Like it’s the same process. So mastery of self is like, I wanna go from being completely pissed off to chill and mellow. I realize that’s the same exact emotional process as going from, all right, I wanna be happy, but also then I wanna be able to calm down and like enjoy my evening at a chill mellow pace. Like it’s the same it’s the same studs, it’s the same materials, but they’re
You know, the the ratios are different, the measurements are different. And then understanding and accepting that the ratios and measurements are always going to be different, which means you can recreate a process to always get there. Even if the pieces are in different orders, you know how they fit so that you can get to where you need to get to. And you will fuck up.
Chris (55:14)
It’s almost like the mastery
part is in the experimentation and being comfortable with exploring what you know versus what you don’t know and finding out how those all work together.
Jess (ShortMerc) (55:25)
Yeah. So mastery for me
And mastery of self is acknowledging that yourself is fluid. You are a fluid thing. You have a core and things flow around that core. But it’s it’s when you understand how things work in relation, even when you don’t know what the other material is, you just you know that there’s gonna be a reaction, there’s gonna be something that’s gonna happen, and you know that you can observe and you can retool it, rework it, experiment with it, and then
bring it in and synergize with it. Like there’s a harmony to mastery of self. It’s knowing that you won’t always know, accepting that sometimes you won’t be able to do what you want to do, and then flowing anyway.
Chris (56:06)
oftentimes with me as soon as I find that harmony there’s more disharmony that I need to harmonize with I don’t know if that’s like a part of it is I think my I don’t know if it’s an obsession or belief or whatever but that there always has to be something to work on which I can definitely find myself falling back into those patterns sometimes but again also part of it feels like it’s just
more exploration at a different level.
Jess (ShortMerc) (56:38)
Yeah, I could I could see that. And I think one of the things too for me, ⁓ is when it gets to that point of like I feel like there needs to be more shit for me to do. Like there always needs to be something, it’s not your responsibility all the time. Like some of the time, yes, it is your responsibility to find what you wanna do. But that’s the chaotic part of like this is the chaotic part. The fun part of it is when you’re at rest and that feeling creeps up again.
And then you can follow it into a different forest. You’re like, all right, I followed this into a forest before. There are some basic things I need to be I’d like I need to be ready to do and then you can keep going on with it.
Ashley (57:08)
to me.
Chris (57:13)
Yeah, that’s what I’ve been I think I made mention of that this week is is I got to a point where I was like I think part of me was like I don’t have to work on my relationship with my kid because I I am I’m in the process of doing that it’s not like a one-time thing and then it’s done so I kind of was like in the middle of the room being like I Clean the kitchen like I don’t feel like going to do more cleaning in my room. Like I don’t feel like playing with AI right now
don’t feel like listening to my audiobook. And I was at this weird place where there was nothing I needed to do. And that’s what I’m, I was having a conversation with my therapist and like, what, what do I want to do when there’s, there’s not something that I need to do. And that’s, think where I’ve lost a bit of experimentation. I think when I was younger, I would be like, okay, I’m gonna.
I’m going to listen to silence. Like I’m going to pay attention to that space between silence and sound.
to look at the clouds and kind of like kind of get a sense of what’s going on up there, what the shapes are doing up there. And there’s no purpose to do that other than experimenting and kind of just like playing with it. And the same thing with music. think I often and you know this, I haven’t written music in maybe a year or so. ⁓ it’s partially it’s because that’s just kind of how I roll and
Jess (ShortMerc) (58:26)
Yeah.
Chris (58:35)
I get to a point at some point in my life where I can’t find a song that I want to listen to that will satisfy my ears and that’s when I end up writing. But also I get to a point where I’m trying to finish a song and it becomes so overwhelming to get to that last part that I stop experimenting and…
That’s really the part of the song building process that is the most fulfilling for me. So it’s kind of a mixture of both of those things and I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Jess (ShortMerc) (59:09)
I mean that’s I mean
conversations are experimentation and trying to figure out where you’re going, so and it’s and sometimes you do just have to kinda get it out there because when your body hears it and your body feels the vibrational tone shifting, it’s it’s a little bit different. Like it it absorbs it a little bit different. It turns it into a different fucking energy. Like it’s it’s really nice. ⁓
Chris (59:13)
Yeah.
Ashley (59:15)
True.
Jess (ShortMerc) (59:31)
Which is something that I’ve been working with ol Ahab here. ‘Cause we we’ve been disconnected for quite some time. And now we are reconnecting, or actually connecting for the first time on a holistic level because, you know, we have the help of the others. and we have a lot of places where we’re disjointed and we don’t harmonize well. ⁓ but I think too we’ve we’ve kinda learned to
sit with ourselves. Because I’m like, all right, you fucking rust bucket, what is it that you want to do? What do you what do you want to do? What do you want to do right now? I want to not be in pain. Well that’s an easy fucking fix. Like like and I’m not talking about pills. I’m talking about we could get up and move around well, I don’t want to move around. Alright, well then let’s play video games, put some heat on the back and like we’ll mellow and vibe for a minute, build some settlements and pull up some super mutants. Be done with it. ⁓ so I
Chris (1:00:20)
I’m glad you brought video games
because that was in kind of like the pre-show notes.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:00:25)
Yeah.
Yeah, of course, of course. Video games are amazing and they’re great outlets too. But I mean they they’re a good arena for experimentation also. Cause sometimes when I have feelings, ⁓ ooh. I’m just thinking of twenty seventeen Jess and how many eye rolls have just happened. ⁓
Ashley (1:00:27)
Ready?
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:00:46)
But when I have like feelings, like massive destructive feelings where I think maybe causing pain would make me feel better. ⁓ and not because I’ve ever done this, because it’s not something that I typically do. When I cause pain, it’s to make something stop functioning. not to, you know, get an ego boost. But sometimes I wanna know if that’s gonna make me feel better. It doesn’t actually make me feel better. What makes me feel better when I blow things up in games when I’m feeling like that is the fact that now the NPCs can live peacefully
For another cycle. I’m like, cool, murdered sixty fucking raiders. And now you motherfuckers can farm for the next three fallout days.
Ashley (1:01:27)
Hahaha
Chris (1:01:28)
interesting because a lot of video games they are toted as like promoting violence but I’m I’m like the opposite of Jess like I’m actually like I’m probably on the end of like shying away from confrontation to more than I should be but I love violence in video games too there’s something there’s something in there that
Maybe it’s an ASMR thing. Maybe there’s just like this very, they found a really good way to satisfy that like sound effects plus gameplay that kind of just lets your brain organize in a way that really makes you, I don’t know, it’s just a satisfying thing for some reason. Like I don’t know if you ever played Destroy All Humans.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:02:19)
No, but I’ve seen
that gameplay.
Chris (1:02:21)
Destroy it so it’s a game where old old old old game where you’re an alien and it’s like in the 50s or whatever and your goal is to destroy humans and they’re coming out with a second version which is pretty funny and it’s a very like cheeky kind of ⁓ Humorous game dark humor a little bit ⁓ But there’s something
I don’t know, there’s something to that game where it’s just really fun to like go around and blow up houses. And I have zero drive to do anything remotely similar in my real life, but there’s something about experimenting in that, or like there’s a game called Just Cause where you just fly through the air and steal airplanes and like just like…
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:02:54)
Yeah.
Chris (1:03:15)
blow stuff up like your goal you have a wingsuit with rockets and you can just fly around and blow stuff up and that there’s like the story is fine like it’s it’s not the best story in the world but you can fly anywhere you want and blow whatever you want up so yeah there’s just something about that in video games that lets you kind of scratch
Ashley (1:03:21)
Yeah, that sounds pretty fun.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:03:24)
That’s amazing.
That’s amazing.
Chris (1:03:41)
That itch you were just describing, Jess, and for you that itch is like, I’m actually feeling that I want to do this in real life.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:03:47)
Yeah, we
flood basements, just not actually, I don’t actually flood basements, but when I was talking to my therapist about like harm reduction and stuff, he’s just like, okay, so let’s go through ways that this would be a little bit better than just setting their house on fire. And I’m like, Yeah, because arson’s bad. What if we flood the basement? ‘Cause that nobody’s in trouble, nobody’s in danger. That’s a pain in the ass to fix.
Ashley (1:03:50)
Yeah
Chris (1:03:52)
No, no, no, yeah.
Ashley (1:04:05)
Right.
Mm-hmm. Gotta love
harm reduction.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:04:16)
Right. So he was like, yeah. I was like, we only need six six inches of water. That’s it. That’s just enough to piss everybody off.
Chris (1:04:23)
Yeah, we had like
Ashley (1:04:24)
true.
Chris (1:04:25)
two inches of water in our basement once and it was just sad. This is the opposite of what I wanted to do today.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:04:28)
What
Yeah, so to your point, yeah. I there are things I really want to do. And there it sounds like for you they’re
You just you just wanna get it out in a way that’s s mentally stimulating, sounds like.
Chris (1:04:48)
Yeah,
well maybe I do want to do those things and I don’t want to admit it. You know, we talk a lot in our house about intrusive thoughts because we deal with them and I deal with them too. And there was a large, it’s definitely quieter now, but there was a large time, especially in college, where I had huge intrusive thoughts where I wanted to just like either, like when I’m in a concert.
Ashley (1:04:51)
Hahaha
Chris (1:05:16)
⁓ Even if it was like a peer of mine, there would be a part of me saying yell out, just like yell something out or run on stage and start singing, which is just like a seemingly ridiculous idea, but there is a big part of me that wanted to be a disruptive force during this time where I was supposed to be quiet and listening.
So I guess maybe I don’t probably own my destructive side as much as I am admitting.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:05:45)
S mastery
of self though, that’s the thing, is like it comes across like yeah, I wanna do these things and like a lot of people don’t own their more destructive side. I I at this point it would just be fucking stupid for me not to. ⁓ because I am one of the most destructive forces in this body. So I am good with it. But I’ve learned that that’s my my sh dick. Like that’s my thing. Not my thing thing, but you know what I mean? Like that’s
I have these thoughts, I do have intrusive thoughts, I have intrusive impulses, and I have to know that that energy for me is not gonna go anywhere, so I need to figure out how to transmute it into something different. Now it’s not always gonna be the same damn thing. In fact that’s statistically improbable and highly highly lacking in possibility. ⁓ but and those two should probably be flipped, but
I know that there’s a process and I know that I could find that process. So I’m pretty pretty stoked about about that. So when I say mastery of self, like Ashley, again, back to your question, ’cause I think you’ve just been absorbed it’s Ashley ⁓ absorption time. ⁓
Ashley (1:06:47)
Yep, turned Chris’s
like, his brain is on now and I’m like, okay, wait, what? Huh? ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:06:53)
Ha.
Chris (1:06:55)
Why we
can share the space.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:06:58)
That’s a a great Frank Castle impression, by the way. but yeah, it’s like I know I’m gonna have these impulses and I know there are these things that I I want to do and that there are these the others have things they wanna do as well, but we’ve all kind of mastered our part and mastered ourselves, which is something every person can do. ⁓ to know like
Ashley (1:07:01)
Thank you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:07:20)
Chris, don’t run up on stage, man. Just don’t set houses on fire. Like and we don’t do these things. Just a heads up. Arson is not in our repertoire. but it’s I know it’s in there and I’m not gonna hide from it, but I’m also not gonna just let it happen. I’m gonna find it I’m gonna experiment with safer ways to do it, you know?
Chris (1:07:35)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:07:36)
Right?
Chris (1:07:39)
Right, an outlet.
curious what games Ashley plays and how she works with that kind of vibe.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:07:49)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:07:50)
Yeah, it depends. My favorite answer, any supervisees listening are like, Ashley or fucking it depends. ⁓ But it kind of depends on the mood I’m in. I can go anywhere from Animal Crossing to Sims to Fallout. ⁓ And I played Grand Theft Auto for a while. I can, it depends on how I’m feeling and what I feel like I need. ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:07:52)
Ha ha ha
Ashley (1:08:19)
But I do really like Fallout. Fallout is a standout game for me because there are choices and I know there are other games like this, what I like about that in particular is you can choose your different factions. You can choose how you personally want to play that game. You can be the bad guy, you can be the good guy, you can be the neutral guy, you can be the hero, the anti-hero. There are so many different routes that you can go.
And even from just from one decision to the next you could choose to be a Raider but maybe you’re a Raider that’s actually trying to help like you there are so many different options and I really find that ⁓ Helpful in my My mastery of self, I guess if I’m understanding it correctly because I feel like I can I Can play the game that feels right to me, but also
that I may not necessarily play in real life. ⁓ Yeah.
Chris (1:09:17)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:09:18)
Yeah, I mean I don’t see you committing Grand Theft Auto in real life.
Ashley (1:09:21)
Yeah, not gonna do that. Yeah,
no.
Chris (1:09:25)
But it is fun to play
in that game to just throw someone out of their car for some reason.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:09:28)
Ha ha
Ashley (1:09:29)
Right,
there’s there’s, okay, ⁓ god, now how am I blanking this? ⁓ Aiden, Aiden Pierce, Jess, what is it called? Thank you. I love watch dogs because, while you don’t have as many choices on how you want to play it, you still have options, but there’s this ⁓ part of the first watch dogs where you can ⁓ get these like, they’re drugs, but they’re not drugs, you’re like.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:09:36)
⁓ watch dogs. That I was actually just thinking of that.
The the digital
drugs.
Ashley (1:09:58)
digital drugs and there’s literally one where
you and I don’t ever do this in real life. I’m saying nobody should do this in real life. I clearly don’t. Nobody should do this in real life. But in the game, it was very helpful because you can literally it’s vehicular manslaughter. It’s it’s you. You use the digital drugs and you get behind the wheel of a car and they’re all a bunch of demons. not just humans like but like people. But there is a bunch of demons and it looks like the same game like you’re in. I think it’s Seattle. You’re still in Seattle.
You’re driving the same roads, but you’re not trying to be careful. You’re specifically… Watchdogs. ⁓ And so the goal is to hit as many people as possible. And there is something cathartic about that. I do not condone it. It’s a bad thing to do in real life. But when you’re playing a video game that lets you get that out…
Chris (1:10:37)
and watch dogs up and the video started playing.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:10:40)
Ha ha ha.
Ashley (1:10:58)
⁓ Especially if you’re just like, fuck this, I’m frustrated. I heard it. I could hear the watchdog’s tone. ⁓
Chris (1:11:04)
Alright, I’m sorry.
Ashley (1:11:06)
That’s okay. so and and then there are other ones too, but that one is my favorite because quite frankly in video games, I am a terrible driver. I cannot I hit stuff all the time and I feel bad because I’m trying not to hit people in the game. And so then when I do that in in watchdogs and I take that particular like digital thing, I’m like, all right, fuck it. I get I could just drive however I want. It’s great.
Chris (1:11:31)
It’s great to have an outlet to experiment with those ideas and feelings without having to ⁓ Know that the consequences are not real-life consequences I know you guys play follow it a lot. I I’ve played I played one fallout like one time through Have you I wonder if you guys have ever played the game fable Fable
Ashley (1:11:43)
Right.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:11:59)
there you were. Fable? I haven’t played that one yet, no. I’ve heard of it.
Chris (1:12:02)
All right, think it’s
Ashley (1:12:02)
Me neither.
Chris (1:12:03)
more, yeah, I don’t think it’s like part of your console ecosystem, but it’s a very similar game.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:12:08)
I mean I do PC gaming sometimes.
Chris (1:12:10)
where you can choose to be good or bad and the game changes depending on what you do. But there’s a new one coming out in February. I’m gonna send you the video because it’s my favorite, favorite, favorite game and it has a lot to do with the choices that you make and the way the game responds to you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:12:29)
Yeah, that reminds me of the Witcher series, ’cause you can do the same thing there. ⁓ and you can do that in Infamous, which I c I would fuck up a round of infamous any day of the week. ⁓ Yeah. No, because sometimes ’cause especially in the first couple you can be the good guy or the bad guy and then you can still do that throughout the rest of them, but there was something about Cole’s good guy or bad guy that was like damn cool. ⁓ and then in The Witcher you make certain decisions and you kinda don’t have a choice.
Chris (1:12:31)
Hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:12:57)
You like you have a choice, but you don’t have a choice. It’s like you make the decision and then the game is gonna start treating you vastly different like what you guys were saying. and it’s open world too, so you don’t know how far out your decision is actually going to affect you. Like you end up in another part of the continent and you’re like, How did you guys hear about this? You guys have horses
Ashley (1:13:13)
⁓
Chris (1:13:18)
I think that’s a cool part of games is putting in those consequences and just kind of exploring. Because those types of games I actually play multiple times because the consequences are so different. It’s really interesting to see how the choices you make and how you feel about those choices affect.
choices down the line. And it’s funny to watch yourself play those games and to actually feel real guilt in some of the choices that you make and be like, ⁓ like I feel bad that I messed up this person’s life. Even if it’s just a video game and to kind of deal with your moral ⁓ boundaries, your moral dilemmas inside of a simulated environment is pretty.
Ashley (1:13:48)
Mm-hmm.
Chris (1:14:04)
It’s just insane and wild to think about when you’re not thinking about being human as a simulated environment.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:14:12)
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I definitely
like that.
that whole idea ’cause sometimes like when I’m building my settlements, I’ll spend hours building one settlement. Like I turn off all the build limits and everything just so I can fucking build with and it helps me clear my head. And like if I have a settler in there, ’cause all of my settlements, I’m like, no, you guys you everybody needs to be able to show up and re f refuel, retool, and get some fucking rest. Those are my rules. And if I have a settler who’s like, you better not be one of them since sent to spy on me, I usher them out of the settlement, then wait till they
Ashley (1:14:39)
anything.
Chris (1:14:45)
Hahaha
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:14:46)
They’re about four miles down the road and I put a bullet in there.
Chris (1:14:49)
Hahaha!
Ashley (1:14:50)
We don’t do isms around here or phobia, which should be, you know.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:14:52)
Yeah, no.
We don’t do any of that shit. You take your ass, you get the fuck out of here. And if you survive, they usually end up in their own little thing and then we just leave them alone. Yeah. Well I I have a ninety nine percent success rate with my sniper rifle, so I let that one percent go if they I’m just like, well
Chris (1:14:57)
Take a long walk.
Ashley (1:14:59)
That’s right.
Chris (1:15:06)
you take one shot and that’s it.
you
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:15:18)
The universe says you get a second chance, so enjoy that.
Ashley (1:15:19)
I’m
Chris (1:15:21)
It’s so fun. I
Ashley (1:15:22)
That’s right.
Chris (1:15:24)
love how you have a code of ethics in Fallout.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:15:27)
I do ’cause I don’t have a moral compass. I have a I have an ethical code that keeps me where I need to be.
Chris (1:15:30)
Yeah.
It’s admirable,
yeah. I think it’s funny the difference between you and I because I think ⁓ I benefit from your ethical code kind of philosophy and you probably benefit from my morality philosophy.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:15:50)
Yeah, I I definitely
it’s like it you both of you like in my immediate vicinity ’cause it’s just like I’m a I’m a expert ex observer. I observe everything all the time. ⁓ I’ve actually started the one of the things I was experimenting with in therapy was retooling my hypervigilance to serve me instead of other way around. ⁓ but like I watch
people with moral codes and then I’m like, alright, cool, that seems like a lot. But then I watch my friends with your morality and I’m like, okay. Alright, hold on. I can draw some like logical ethical stance to why this is not a problem. Hold on. Okay, cool. Great. But then at the same time with the ethics thing, it’s just like to me ethics is like a a volume game of continuation. But like continuation is something that is sustainably continuous. ⁓ not just like
people who are listening to this going, well that’s why supremacy is okay. It’s not. If everybody thinks they’re supreme, nobody is gonna do the shit that needs to get done. So no. ⁓ but then I think you guys kinda benefit from the fact that I’m like, No. Entropy has expired. It is time to restore chaos and then order and then entropy will resume.
Chris (1:17:01)
Well, yeah, your code of ethics, ⁓ I think the cool thing about it that I really enjoy is that there are very clear boundaries, but they’re not set in stone. So you have like a framework. Like my morality is more of a kind of like touchy feely sort of.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:17:14)
Yeah.
Chris (1:17:21)
Watery vibe and yours the structure of your ethics really helps me that’s especially when I’m talking what I’m thinking now about relationships of of mine with my desk, you know like now I can look at that as the kind of like this almost code of ethics is that now that I have this relationship I can form this code around that rather than
thinking of it in a moral way, like I’m a bad person because my desk is a mess and I don’t like it or whatever, or I don’t spend time cleaning it up.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:17:56)
Right, yeah, you’re not a bad person. You’re just a human being with shit on your plate. And the relationship you wanna have isn’t quite as synergistic as it should be. So let’s fix that.
Chris (1:18:03)
Yeah. So that’s
why I like hanging out with you. Because that’s the way you look at it.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:18:08)
⁓ shucks. Yeah,
I just I found and again, Ashley, back a back around a mastery of self. There’s another nugget for you. ⁓ ’cause I know I don’t have a moral compass and I’m okay with it. I but ’cause I know my ethics are they’re fluid, like they’re not rigid, they don’t really but at the same time it’s just like
Ashley (1:18:20)
Thank you.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:18:31)
This is going to be the thing. How do you know it’s gonna be the th because it has been and it always will be. I am trying to show you. It just changes shape and form, but that’s as long as the structure is there, so too will it be. ⁓ especially playfulness, because I’ve learned that’s a really important part of my ethical code. It’s like I need to have room for playfulness or things like
anger start to play with the rage button again, no matter how many times I spank that hand. ⁓ so it’s it just keep playing with it. So then I have to have humor come in there and go, yeah, go ahead, hit the button, see what happens. Go for it. Go ’cause I know that the humor can feel the rage before it even touches the anger. So it’s just like I know once the rage touches the humor, then the sarcastic humor starts up. And then it’s just that’s usually more
tolerable to more realities than just blowing up and letting anger take its place. Does that make sense? Am I making sense today?
Ashley (1:19:28)
I think so.
Chris (1:19:29)
Yeah,
we’re deep in it though.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:19:32)
We we are deep in it, so I think at this point we’re actually gonna ⁓ see where Ashley is in in her book nook while I cue up a surprise.
Ashley (1:19:42)
Okay. Well, unfortunately we don’t have video so you can’t actually see my book nook. But well, I know you can, but like the people listening at home can’t hold on. made tiny. It’s actually a coffee shop book nook, which I am pleasantly surprised about. so like so far I have a little mini espresso maker thing and that is ⁓ a little ⁓ coffee grinder in the drawer actually comes out and I’m obsessed with that.
Chris (1:19:42)
surprises.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:19:47)
Hey.
Yeah.
Ashley (1:20:09)
And this, made teeny tiny little coffee bags.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:20:12)
Snap?
Those are adorable.
Ashley (1:20:14)
So cute. So yeah, that was a pleasant surprise for me that this is, you know, I’m pretty sure, well, no, I think my sister got it for me for Christmas. I think it was on my wish list, but I don’t actually remember it. So we’re flying blind.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:20:19)
Cool.
We’ll just we’ll figure it out later. ⁓ all right, so here’s what we’re gonna do today. And yes, this is a much ⁓ well not much, but a little bit longer of an episode but don’t worry everybody, we’re gonna wrap it up after this fun filled treat. So we have three new play sketch thing segment, whatever we wanna call them. Three new games. There we go. Let’s call them games, because that’s how you do that.
Chris (1:20:30)
Bye.
Ashley (1:20:33)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:20:54)
⁓ hot seat, curb your temper, and the self-brace horner. Now I’m pretty sure at this point we all know who is the master of each domain and who gets punished in each domain. But we’re also going to ⁓ revolve them later on. So Chris, you are the king of the hot seat. You’ll probably be in the hot seat the most.
Chris (1:21:15)
I deserve it. Honestly, like
my fear in starting a podcast was saying something that I later changed my mind on. So this is perfect.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:21:24)
Excellent.
And then Ashley, ⁓ you are in the self-praise corner. ‘Cause you know you talk about yourself all the time. You’re you just Jesus. Jesus So, you’re in the self-praised corner and as you guys probably know at this point I will be in the Kerbu Temper corner.
Ashley (1:21:29)
Mm-mm.
I know, I’m so obnoxious with it really.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:21:45)
Welcome to the dirge everybody. ⁓ because I need to do my frustration exercises and this seems like a fun way to share it with everybody and hold my dumb self accountable. So, anybody any any takers on wanting to start?
Chris (1:22:00)
What do we do?
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:22:01)
Any.
Well raise your hand first and I’ll tell ya. Yeah. Alright. Alright. So Chris, ⁓ I have a few claims that you have made in the podcast sphere. We’re gonna dig straight into your fears.
Chris (1:22:04)
I’ll do it.
Ashley (1:22:04)
No. Thank
you.
Chris (1:22:15)
Yes.
Ashley (1:22:17)
man.
Chris (1:22:19)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:22:20)
Hahaha
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:22:21)
And Ashley, you were gonna be the judge of these things, because let’s be honest, you are the most neutral and apathetic here. You call everybody on their bullshit. so what we’re going to do here is I am going to go through a couple well we’ll we’ll give you a couple. We’ll stop with the few. We’ll just give you two today. Two claims that you have made. ⁓ and you are going to take a stance on them. You were either going to defend the claim and double down on it, ⁓ or you can walk it back.
Chris (1:22:38)
Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:22:49)
And explain what happened, and Ashley can tell us if either one is justified. Like if so if if he defends it and you’re like that’s a justifiable defense, then he gets the thumbs up. And then we leave it alone. If he That’s the key part, we have to leave it alone. Like it’s done after that. We can joke about it. Right. We can joke about it, but like it’s done. And then if
Chris (1:22:53)
This is great.
Ashley (1:22:55)
justified just if well okay i’ll ask when i
Okay.
Okay.
Chris (1:23:08)
you can call me out.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:23:14)
If he walks it back and it’s walked back in an appropriate way and Ashley you’re good with it, then same rules apply. If he does not successfully do these things if he does not successfully we get to rag on him until he does better about it.
Chris (1:23:24)
Not calm yet.
Ashley (1:23:33)
Okay, ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:23:34)
And you will be the judge
of the doing better about it because you’ll have the most objective view.
Ashley (1:23:39)
Okay, I’ll do my best.
Chris (1:23:39)
Okay, hit me.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:23:40)
Alright, so the first
one was I don’t do social media. Chris, I get TikToks from you, man.
Chris (1:23:47)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. right. We talked about this. I already walked this back because you called me out on this already.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:23:50)
So do you want to just
Chris (1:23:57)
And I think I walked it back. ⁓ I guess the clarification was I don’t post a lot on social media. I do. I do watch. think it’s mostly just TikTok. Sometimes it’s Facebook. ⁓ But yeah, I will zone out to TikTok quite often. So, yeah, that was misleading, I think, the way I said that. ⁓
and that’s why I’m being called out because I do do social media. I do not have my own presence very very much on social media although I do have some videos from the past but it’s been a really long time since I posted but they I will zone out and find funny or interesting things that will quench my desire to think about something new and different and then go from there.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:24:49)
Justified walk back, Ashley?
Ashley (1:24:50)
Yes.
Chris (1:24:51)
Yay!
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:24:51)
Yay, we got a justified walk
back. Alright, let’s see if we can get two for two. The other one you’re gonna love this one. This podcast was my idea. You gotta defend it or you gonna walk it back?
You can also hybrid in the middle.
Chris (1:25:04)
Yeah, that’s an interesting one. ⁓
You know, I really couldn’t say for certain because we’ve known each other for so long and I’ve had an idea of wanting to do a podcast for so long. I can’t say for certain whose idea that was. I have had my own ideas about certain types of podcasts that I wanted to do. And I think probably
on the grand scheme of things, like I wanted to be the person that had a podcast, but it wasn’t until you decided that you were going to do it that I was like, oh, I don’t want a podcast. I just want to be on a podcast. So that’s my new stance. It was not my idea. It was my my dream to be on a podcast and do very little of the work.
Ashley (1:25:49)
Ha ha ha!
Hahaha
Chris (1:26:00)
I’m gonna be honest, so.
Ashley (1:26:02)
I mean, I can’t argue that. All right, cool. Yep, just fine. Well done.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:26:03)
What do we have Ashley?
Justified.
Ashley (1:26:11)
⁓ yeah!
⁓ That was great.
Chris (1:26:14)
That was fun. I like that. That was good. That’s good
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:26:16)
Awesome.
Chris (1:26:17)
for me.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:26:17)
Congratulations. You’re coming off. ⁓ alright, so Ashley, you wanna you wanna go up next? Alright. I mean you guys could always piss me off and we can we can do that one too. no it is not.
Ashley (1:26:24)
No, but okay, let’s do it.
It’s not hard. All right. I might piss
you off with my neck with how bad I am at this. man, I’m starting already. Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:26:37)
⁓ shit.
Alright, so this one’s timer driven. ⁓ you have 20 seconds, and Chris, you were gonna be the judge of this one. You have 20 seconds to say three self-compliments. You don’t get to deflect, you don’t get to qualify, you don’t get to pivot or praise someone else. Every time you do that, I will call a foul. And a foul means that you have to redo it for 60 seconds.
Ashley (1:26:40)
jeez.
⁓ kit.
Chris (1:27:02)
Hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:02)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:27:05)
20 seconds is both a really long time and not a lot of time. I, okay, what happens if I don’t do it in 20 seconds? Then do I have to do it in 60 seconds? I’m scared.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:09)
Yeah, I know. That’s the point.
No, you just you just you
Chris (1:27:15)
I’m the George. ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:18)
I’ll call time and then you finish up.
Ashley (1:27:21)
Three, okay wait, okay wait, okay wait. Three, I wanna do Chris’s. ⁓ Three self compliments.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:25)
Ha ha.
In twenty seconds.
Ashley (1:27:33)
Just about anything.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:34)
Yeah, for you. All about you.
Ashley (1:27:36)
Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:38)
I just like I hate everything about this.
I don’t wanna do it. No. No. Let me know when you’re ready. You ready?
Ashley (1:27:45)
Does that count? Can I say that? Oh, all right. Never.
Okay, sure.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:27:52)
Chrissy ready? All right, here we go. And go.
Chris (1:27:52)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:27:55)
Okay, I’m really good at these 3D puzzles. I have a lot of page… Hold on. I want to justify it so badly. I am a very thoughtful and caring supervisor. And I am very strong-willed.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:28:16)
Time.
Ashley (1:28:17)
⁓
Chris (1:28:18)
You did it! I give you a thumbs
up on that one. You almost lost it though.
Ashley (1:28:25)
Okay.
Woo!
Chris (1:28:27)
You caught yourself. That was good.
Ashley (1:28:29)
That was rough. That was rough.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:28:31)
Alright,
alright, but good job, you got through it, you got through it. And I guess it’s my turn then. Welcome to hell everybody. Curb your temper. So you guys can either gang up on me on this one or it can be one or the other, but you are going to pitch three real world scenarios to me about things that really just piss me off.
Ashley (1:28:34)
Thank you.
Mmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:28:56)
And I have to respond in a regulated, professional, acceptable in a boardroom answer.
Ashley (1:29:00)
Thank
Chris (1:29:04)
We have no preparation and Ashley is way more qualified than I am, but we’ll give it a go. I have one idea.
Ashley (1:29:09)
⁓
that’s, yeah, wait, so we’re pitching ⁓ the scenario that we know will piss you off.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:29:17)
Mm-hmm.
Yep. And I have to stay regulated and relaxed and respond in a way that would be appropriate in a meeting room, in a boardroom.
Not necessarily using the verbiage, but like I don’t get expelled.
Ashley (1:29:30)
Right, right. OK. I feel like Chris has one already, so he goes first. ⁓
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:29:32)
Alright. And and
Chris (1:29:34)
I have a bunch.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:29:36)
who well, whoever whoever is prosing it, you’re my judge.
Ashley (1:29:40)
Whoever’s po, okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:29:41)
All right. What you g all right.
Chris (1:29:42)
Alright, I’ll go first.
Scenario, we are recording a podcast. This is heaven.
Ashley (1:29:48)
⁓ Alright.
⁓
Chris (1:29:52)
Chris is a little out of it. He’s you don’t know where he’s maybe he seems a little tired or whatever and then he starts speaking corporate jargon. He he wants to circle back on stuff.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:30:08)
Well
Chris, I appreciate your input. ⁓ you do seem to be a little off your game today. Would you mind jotting down some notes and then we could revisit that a little bit later?
Chris (1:30:17)
Hahaha
I’m gonna give you a fail on that one. This is why. Because… I feel like you can say it in a ⁓ Jess way that is curbing your temper still. Like, I feel like you can say, Chris, you’re being stupid. And that’s not bringing your temper up.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:30:27)
I’m gonna get ragged out real hard.
Ashley (1:30:32)
⁓ man. ⁓
⁓ that’s a good point.
And in a boardroom, I think, yeah, I want to expand the location because a boardroom, that’s like corporate bullshit. That’s because so actually just maybe in a therapy office, maybe it’s practice, that’s communication in a therapy office.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:30:55)
It’s true.
Chris (1:30:59)
Yeah
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:31:04)
No
Chris (1:31:05)
you
Ashley (1:31:06)
authentic self with, yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:31:08)
Alright.
Alright. Alright. So I don’t even remember if this is the time that that happened. Am I allowed to have I have to ask one qualifying question. Am I allowed to have a ⁓
Simulation of like beforehand. Can I create a backstory?
Chris (1:31:25)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:31:26)
Okay. Alright, alright. So, therapist person, Chris is
Really fucking tired.
And ⁓
Really out of it.
And he’s he’s kicking he’s kicking me in in my corporate nerves. And I’m trying real hard not to call him a fucking idiot.
Chris (1:31:43)
You
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:31:44)
What am I supposed to be doing to you right now, Chris? Telling you that you she should be not doing this?
Chris (1:31:48)
Yeah.
Ashley (1:31:49)
Call him out, not in an angry way.
Chris (1:31:51)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:31:53)
Chris
Dude Nah man, we’re we’re not at fucking work. There we go. Alright, cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Chris (1:31:55)
There we go. That was way better. In
Ashley (1:32:00)
You
Chris (1:32:02)
the future, I expect to hear, you’re better than this.
Ashley (1:32:07)
Yes.
Chris (1:32:07)
you
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:32:09)
Fair fair point. Fair point. Alright. Who’s it y what who else got some for me? I’m only I’m I’m kinda like I’ll give how about a half a point for that one since we had to I won’t there’s no perfect score which is gonna piss me off.
Ashley (1:32:22)
Yeah
Chris (1:32:23)
Which you’ll have to figure out how to curb.
Ashley (1:32:26)
That’s true. Okay. I have you really, how challenging do you want this?
Chris (1:32:27)
you
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:32:30)
Bring it. Let’s go.
Ashley (1:32:31)
alright alright alright
Chris (1:32:33)
I will be right back. Keep going. Keep going. I’m listening.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:32:34)
⁓
Okay.
Ashley (1:32:39)
You are at a restaurant with friends and one of your friends tends to just is just really, really loud, just like talks loud and but that’s and you know that’s who they are, but they’re really loud and people are glancing.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:33:00)
Ooh.
man, okay. You got you got my little hairs all up and everything. You know how noise gets under my skin. ⁓ hey man, yeah, that’s it’s sauce and really glad you’re excited, but could you pull it down a little bit? I’m I’m feeling a little frazzled here. I’m having a hard time.
Ashley (1:33:06)
Yep
Well done. Yes, I think that is…
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:33:23)
Actually
I have to breathe that one out. I gotta breathe both of these out. I’m like I’m in it right.
Ashley (1:33:29)
In it, man.
In it. I know. This is, yeah. Are you sure you wanna do three? Two seems like plenty. Okay.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:33:36)
Yeah. No, let’s do. Give
me one more. I made you do three. I d and Chris gave me a half half a point for my fail, so Just hear him in the background.
Ashley (1:33:39)
Yeah, but… Yeah.
I
know that was great. Okay, let me think. I know Chris said he had a lot. Do you want to go next Chris or I could come up with another one but.
Chris (1:33:58)
Okay, this is so I want I want Jess to take her earphones off and I’m going to I’m going to give Ashley the The idea that I have and she’s going to flesh it out because she has the real-world experience
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:34:11)
Okay. All right.
Chris (1:34:12)
The idea is how your neighbors piss her off a lot
Ashley (1:34:17)
that’s, we, this is like, okay. Okay.
Chris (1:34:18)
Thank
Good?
Ashley (1:34:27)
She needs to prepare. man, yeah, think… Neighbors. Oh, she’s dancing. I don’t know if she’s just doing it. Maybe she’s got to dance it out.
Chris (1:34:29)
This is fun for me.
No, we’re done!
We’re done.
Ashley (1:34:50)
I’m sorry.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:34:52)
I was jamming, I was in Tom’s cafe for a second. All right.
Ashley (1:34:55)
That was
Chris (1:34:56)
I feel
like we’re tag-gaming now though.
Ashley (1:34:56)
pretty good.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:34:58)
That’s that’s fair, that’s fine. It’s it’s we never know when it’s gonna be a handicapped match with me, so it’s fine. Alright, what you got?
Ashley (1:34:59)
Yeah.
Okay, remember, I don’t think you have any booze in your house. you are working, you’re recording a podcast and through your headphones, you hear heavy bass coming through the wall.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:35:28)
Can I do anything about this base?
Ashley (1:35:30)
Yeah.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:35:30)
Okay.
⁓ and we’re trying to keep conflict low.
Ashley (1:35:33)
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:35:34)
Okay. I ⁓
have a reaction, which is only my face, and possibly a god damn it. Then I exhale and I excuse myself. And I go around this little corner and I turn on all of my white noise machines at varying pitches. And then I put my headphones back on and then I exhale.
Ashley (1:35:40)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:35:58)
And then I gently explained to the other people on the podcast, sorry about that, someone’s having a fucking party.
Chris (1:36:07)
Hahaha
Ashley (1:36:08)
Hehehehehe
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:36:10)
Anyway,
and then we keep going. Did I get that one?
Chris (1:36:11)
Yaaaay!
Ashley (1:36:13)
Well done. think you should…
Yes, Chris, I think you should give her… no! ⁓ it’s okay, it didn’t break. ⁓ Chris, I think you should give her a full point, like that half a point that she lost, I think, for that one. Yeah, mhm. Yep. Well done.
Chris (1:36:26)
Yeah, that was a double point. That was a rough one.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:36:29)
Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.
Appreciate it. I’m gonna take a little extra on that one.
Ashley (1:36:35)
Very well done.
As you should.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:36:39)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Chris (1:36:41)
So, so Jeff just created a safe space for us to call each other out.
Ashley (1:36:43)
Beautiful.
Yep,
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:36:46)
Yes.
Ashley (1:36:47)
yep, she did. That was great.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:36:48)
So I’m gonna call out a couple listeners. So now everybody who’s listening to this, how about you guys go and experiment safe ways to vent your frustration in those primal human urges that we’ve talked about? But seriously do it. And if you come up with something cool or you even just want to fucking share it, you can drop us a a line at leonsteam.com and we will enjoy the hell out of it with you and for you. And if you have any questions, drop
Ashley (1:37:01)
I love it.
Chris (1:37:13)
You know what?
You know what I love it also, if anyone wants to share like cool video games that give them that kind of that oomph, please share those. We should probably share them too.
Jess (ShortMerc) (1:37:23)
Yes.
Yeah, we will. We’ll we’ll do some video game segments on the next one. But everybody, thank you guys so much. Ashley, Chris, appreciate it. And see ya when we see ya.
Chris (1:37:32)
Peace guys.
Ashley (1:37:34)
See ya!
