S1 E6: Healing Pt. 2 (Healing Gets Less Suck)

Chris (00:01)
Welcome back. ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (00:03)
Ha

ha ha.

The ShortMerc (00:05)
It that’s good. That’s good. That’s good. That’s that’s the new thing. That’s the new game. No, if you build it they will come. It’s not necessarily true. If you build it and then tell them all that they have this new thing, they can come look at if they so choose. Then they might. But otherwise if there’s no one around, it’s just

Ashley Stolitza (00:06)
Well done.

Chris (00:23)
I don’t

yeah, but I don’t the movie t told me differently, so

Ashley Stolitza (00:28)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (00:28)
Well,

we all know movies are a hundred percent accurate. They’re right up there with things

Chris (00:32)
Yeah. I just don’t care that

Ashley Stolitza (00:32)
Yeah.

Chris (00:34)
much about baseball, so I never really tried it myself.

The ShortMerc (00:44)
That’s a fair point. Is anybody on this show a fan of baseball?

Ashley Stolitza (00:47)
No.

The ShortMerc (00:49)
We’ve lost our one baseball fan. Yeah, well he’s he’ll he’s fine.

Ashley Stolitza (00:51)
My father is. He would kill me for saying I am not.

Chris (00:55)
We have nothing against

baseball.

The ShortMerc (00:58)
I have a little bit against baseball. Like golf is more interesting to me.

Ashley Stolitza (00:58)
It’s boring.

Chris (01:04)
I yeah, I generally don’t like to watch sports. Unless it’s like a Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (01:04)
I don’t know about that.

The ShortMerc (01:07)
Have you been to a baseball game?

Like no, but Ashley, have you been to a baseball game?

Ashley Stolitza (01:13)
Yeah, it’s much better in person.

The ShortMerc (01:15)
Yeah, but so is golf, is what I’m saying, and it’s a lot more fun to watch on TV. Honestly tennis is where it’s at, but I had to

Chris (01:19)
Okay.

Find like

baseball games for my ADH brain are are a nightmare because nothing happens and then I get distracted and then something happens and I don’t don’t see a replay of it.

The ShortMerc (01:35)
That’s true. That’s why hockey is a superior sport.

Ashley Stolitza (01:36)
Yeah.

Chris (01:39)
Hockey’s I’ve I’ve been to one hockey match and that was pretty exciting.

The ShortMerc (01:42)
It is. It is.

Ashley Stolitza (01:44)
Copy

Chris (01:44)
Hockey

Ashley Stolitza (01:44)
is fine.

Chris (01:45)
on TV I lose the puck all the time, so it’s less exciting for me.

The ShortMerc (01:49)
You’re

not watching it for the puck, you’re watching it to see who’s about to knock somebody else out.

Ashley Stolitza (01:54)
Or at least you should be.

The ShortMerc (01:55)
Yeah.

Chris (01:56)
I thought that was just like bonus. that’s of the game.

The ShortMerc (01:58)
No. You ever hear like

like I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out?

Yeah. I love hockey. I’m granted rugby is is really my happy time sport and I’m that person who just loves the sport to love the sport. I don’t really care who’s playing. I just want to watch rugby. It’s not hard. I mean like even I look up the rules now and then, but not hard. It’s fun.

Ashley Stolitza (02:07)
It’s true.

Chris (02:19)
I don’t understand rugby.

Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (02:29)
This is gonna come out like I’m being a s sarcastic bitch, but can you watch that on TV? Is that like a thing? Okay.

The ShortMerc (02:35)
Yeah. You just have to have

the like the right channels usually if you have the how do I say this? The non American facing channels. Like your your Brits, your Europeans and your ⁓ sometimes Canadians. And America does have a a rugby league. It’s just we also have football so we’re competing with each other, which is not a fair competition at all. But I digress.

Ashley Stolitza (02:52)
I see. Okay.

Yeah.

The ShortMerc (03:06)
It takes a lot more to heal from a rugby ⁓ injury to the head when your ears are being ripped off when there’s no helmet. But you do it eventually and and then you learn to tape your ears down because tape your damn ears down.

Ashley Stolitza (03:13)
My God.

Because you’ve learned through your healing. Excellent. Well done.

The ShortMerc (03:23)
I don’t have

a segue. I can’t get on my segue and and talk to you anybody about it.

Ashley Stolitza (03:29)
Mm-hmm.

Chris (03:31)
You mentioned that in the first episode though, or the healing episode, like healing through the pain of like getting hit in sports. I got hit in sports a couple of times by a baseball. I stopped playing baseball. Didn’t like it that much.

The ShortMerc (03:45)
Mm.

Clearly. Clearly it’s not your thing. No, I mean but that’s the thing of it, is like after you learn not to fear what’s coming at you, especially like a ball. Like I’ve I’ve played tennis before before I destroyed everything. and getting hit with a tennis ball is not fun. It’s just not. It sucks. ⁓ But like you eventually learn to stop fearing the thing coming at you and go, you know what, I can also smack this thing. And

Chris (04:11)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (04:22)
Soccer is very much similar. In fact I’ve broken my tailbone twice playing soccer. ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (04:30)
I sprained my finger and sa it was my pinky. and it was because I was the goalie and I went to grab the soccer ball and it th thr my finger went backwards and my teachers didn’t believe me. That’s a whole other thing. That’s a different episode. But

The ShortMerc (04:33)
Mm.

Teachers believe your students some especially when

the joint is not going in the correct direction.

Ashley Stolitza (04:50)
It was backwards and it was black and blue, but no, I just had a bruise

and I just needed to walk it off. It’s fine. My parents went to Walgreens and got me a splint and said, There you go, you’re fine. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (05:02)
Ha ha ha.

Угу, угу. Да.

Ashley Stolitza (05:09)
You can’t do it. You have to just heal on your I was r really getting somewhere, it just didn’t sound like it. You have to heal on your own from that kind of sprain. Like I my parents literally were like, There’s nothing a doctor can do for you. We just need to splint it. And you just need to have patience and wait. And then it healed because I had patience. Well, I don’t know that I had patience, but I was I had forced patience maybe. Mhm.

The ShortMerc (05:31)
Yeah, it’s that’s force correction. I

think ⁓

Chris (05:35)
one of the pretty remarkable

things is like I just interrupting you and you just letting me

The ShortMerc (05:40)
I mean that’s fine. It it’s between you and the truck somebody was telling me to shut

my mouth, so

Chris (05:47)
I was gonna say like if if you the the more you slow down, the quicker healing is, it seems.

Ashley Stolitza (05:56)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (05:57)
Yeah. Like you’re not you’re not gonna heal anything, especially if it’s like a leg injury or something like that. If you don’t slow down, you’re just gonna make it worse. ⁓ And I I don’t I don’t know, I feel like people also look at healing like it’s that that potion that gives you fifty plus percent of your health back like instantaneously. Whereas really you’re just looking for that one HP per second rebuild rebuild and hopefully you don’t get into any trouble anywhere along the line.

‘Cause you do not have enough health to take another hit. But also if you just kinda meander on that first level, you should be all right.

Chris (06:35)
Sometimes you’ve got to stop grinding.

The ShortMerc (06:38)
You do unless it’s it’s like coffee and even that just a heads up for all the coffee heads out there, coarse ground is not somebody being lazy. It’s somebody ⁓ optimizing the flavor who’s about to immediately utilize the bean. Do not coarse grind if you were gonna use the bean later. ⁓ unless you’re going to grind it later.

Chris (06:42)
Okay.

The ShortMerc (06:59)
Just coarse ground coffee has a purpose. Or if you’re gonna use a French press. Unlike last episode, I’m actually trying to figure out what the words are. Neuralizer is definitely meta block.

⁓ You good?

Ashley Stolitza (07:20)
I just took a giant sip of tea at that point. ⁓ I’m okay. I’m okay.

The ShortMerc (07:22)
Ha ha

Probably fine.

It’s probably fine. No, but we actually had a question come in about ⁓ after the the after effects of healing and the yeah, I know. And you know, what to do with the ideas monster as it was called. So we you know, it’s it’s like after you heal and after you start getting things going and you start to feel better because when you said earlier, Ashley, like you you didn’t

You don’t know if you were patient, like that force correction type of thing. that leaves you with like this sense of I need to get up and get back to my old routine because I’m afraid of what’s gonna happen next, which probably definitely feeds into the idea of monster of what do I do? I wanna do this. Well I wanna do this, and when I wanna do this, and what I wanna do this. And what this particular listener does is they ⁓ jot it down on their iPad and then, you know, brainstorm and

Ashley Stolitza (07:59)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (08:21)
I thought it was interesting ’cause they do something similar to what I do is they use AI to kind of ping back at them. ⁓ and Chris, this is something you also do. ⁓ you know, just to go back and forth. And they were asking if there is a way to tame that monster because it does get in the way a lot. And especially and I I think at this point we all know this, ⁓ which was another point brought up by them, was a corporate America loves this.

They’re like, You’ve got ideas, we want all of them, and then they feed into it. And then you, as you’re trying to heal or or you’re getting to the point of healing being less sucky, ⁓ end up going, Well, no, hold on a second. I need to take a s a step back, create some boundaries here. Like I wanna tame this. I’m not bringing you all of my ideas so you can tell me they’re all great fucking ideas. Cause either we all know that all the ideas coming out of our mouth are not great ones. And if you don’t, I know a number of some very great therapists you might want to talk to.

Ashley Stolitza (09:19)
Ha ha ha.

The ShortMerc (09:20)
’cause I have never met one person that has a hundred percent great ideas. ⁓ I’ve never seen a person that has a hundred percent great ideas. ⁓

Chris (09:29)
She’s met

one that has 95% great ideas though. Really?

The ShortMerc (09:31)
Yeah, even ninety eight. Even ninety

eight, yeah. Yeah, but like not not a hundred percent. So and I mean when you a lot of folks working the nine to five going into especially corporate jobs and stuff like that, when they’re being praised for having six thousand ideas and they’re trying to also draw boundaries and you know, repair the parts of themselves that are a little less suck, how do you deal with that?

I mean, I know what I what my answer is is I pretty much give people the finger and tell you I’ll s I’ve survived before you, I’ll survive after you. Like I’m I’m gonna go wrangle my cats, so and clearly I’m very defense driven. ⁓ but like as non seriously defense driven individuals, how do you deal with that? How would you guys deal with that?

Ashley Stolitza (10:18)
I’ve learned to set limits or delegate

⁓ so like if I have an idea and somebody really loves it well, I’ve learned it, I’m still in practice I’m practic I’m actively practicing it, but if I if I’m like this is a here’s my idea and somebody says, Great, do it and I already am in that boat with three other things, I might say, Okay, I’m gonna find somebody else who can do it or I’m gonna put it off to this date and you know, do it at that time. I it’s a little harder I think if it’s my stuff, ’cause then nobody

There’s really not likely somebody else to delegate it to, so then I have to be patient. Maybe we need to do an episode on patience. Yep. ⁓ but then I have to try to be patient and and prioritize what my ideas like w what I want to come first, second, third, all that good stuff.

The ShortMerc (11:16)
Smart though, like you kind of look at again it’s just gonna come out the way it’s gonna come out, but you kinda look at it kind of like a team and when on your own stuff too, and just all right, so I wanna do it this time and I wanna do it this time and I wanna do it here, or I’m gonna let it flow, and if I don’t touch it by this time, then we’ll fig I’ll figure out what to do with it. Kind of is that correct? Excellent. What about you, Chris?

Ashley Stolitza (11:37)
Yeah. That’s correct.

Chris (11:45)
⁓ with work I’m I’m in a really kinda interesting spot where I’ve been ignored for a while and not like in a terrible way, but like the things that I’m interested in about work have not been like supported too much. But especially with this whole new AI sort of thing happening and businesses adopting it, I’m sort of at the

I’m not at the forefront because there are people that just like blow me out of the water when it comes to the things that they can do, but I’m at least like extremely interested, ⁓ from outside a coding perspective. So at first it just was me like finding tools that helped me. Like I I’m kinda naturally someone who doesn’t like

To do the same thing over and over and over again if I can find an easier way to do it. So I started using it like that. Yeah.

The ShortMerc (12:38)
think that’s it’s like most people. Most people

don’t wanna be repetitive.

Chris (12:44)
Yeah, true. And CS like sorting through CSV files is just like it’s it’s not fun. ⁓ so I was like, how can I create a little tool? So I started there and then like ⁓ I showed it to someone and then they were like, ⁓ Chris has some ideas and so I’m back now in the conversation a little bit and I’m

What I’m doing is I’m kind of like sharing my ideas as it relates to something I’m excited ⁓ working on. So that if one of those ideas is beneficial to the people that I’m talking to, then cool. Go ahead and and do that and focus on that. So I’m more focused on and especially using AI now, I’m more focused on dumping my ideas into like a repository. ⁓

And I’ve set up my ⁓ clawed account so that it works off of like a working memory of of my own. And so it can kick back to me all of my ideas. And if I have a whole all the list of them, I can be like, that’s not important at all. Like that’s that’s an idea that is not a part of the twenty percent that’s really gonna t to to move the needle, then it helps me

The ShortMerc (13:59)
Gross.

Chris (14:00)
Did I just say move the needle and that was gross?

The ShortMerc (14:02)
You did just

yeah, you did j you just corporate it at us, man. I know we’re i it really is. It’s such a corporate buzzword. It’s disgusting. And to all the mechanics out there who actually have to look at a needle, yeah, but I know that’s true, but hold on. Like to all the mechanics and the engineers out there, we understand the importance of actually moving a needle, not this bullshittery that has entered the vocabulary of every business in America.

Ashley Stolitza (14:06)
How dare you? Yeah.

Chris (14:06)
Move the needle, is that a corporate? I guess it is.

I th I mean there’s a needle on a record though. So

Okay, I apologize. I brought Corporate Spreak into the office. ⁓

The ShortMerc (14:34)
Yeah, how dare you? ⁓

we all know The Office is a hilarious show that is currently on Peacock and Jim is my dog’s favorite, so never. ⁓

Chris (14:45)
But

okay, fine. We’re done. But I do like the idea that eighty percent eighty percent of the work leads to t ⁓ sorry, twenty percent of the work leads to eighty percent of the results. I’ve seen that a lot and and I know that they use it in corporate speak sometimes, but it seems to be a pretty universal law, ⁓ when it comes to what you’re focusing on and AI specifically has helped me to

to l to view that eighty percent or the twenty percent better so that I have a better idea of what is important to me and what’s not. So I do have a ton of ideas and like I had an idea to build an app for for this is this sounds wild. I have a friend who’s an opera director and they have there’s no like support out there for

traveling opera actors and directors to find local housing with whatever company they go and work with from time to time. So I like, why don’t you do like a Airbnb sort of app that finds people connected to the opera community that has houses and I loved I’ve loved that idea for a really long time and it wasn’t until recently that I was like, th I don’t that’s like

It’s a fun idea, but it’s not my idea. Like that’s not a Chris is gonna do this sort of thing.

The ShortMerc (16:10)
Sounds

like a a project a client would bring to you kind of an idea. Like like you have a passion for building apps and it seems like this is something that a client would be like, I have this problem. So how do we do this? Right. So the and to your point of the eighty twenty thing, one, that is not a human invention. That is how a lot of everything works. If a majority of the stuff that passes through is not supposed to be held by one

Chris (16:15)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That’s how it came about. Yeah.

The ShortMerc (16:40)
Entity being it living, not living, whatever. ⁓ everything has weight loads. So that filtering, it sounds like what you do is you use AI kind of to filter through and just go, Well, this is not in my immediate string. This isn’t in my immediate pattern of things. It doesn’t fit in my web of where I’m trying to go, even professionally. I know we just we dump on you for the corporate speak, but even professionally, ⁓ it doesn’t sound like that’s where you want to go, which is vastly important, just

Chris (16:56)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The ShortMerc (17:09)
A heads up, doesn’t matter if you work a in a corporate office or if you work in a small business office or if you freelance or you’re an artist or what have you. Like that’s super freaking important. So it sounds like you you pretty much go in there with the self knowledge that you’re gonna have a bunch of fucking ideas and then you sift it through and then come back to it when you have a fresh set of Chris cells to go and look at it again.

Chris (17:33)
Yeah, it’s like I

think it’s probably the same process of like writing it down and then reading it back.

Except if I if I journal, I don’t go back and review. I think I’ve I’ve built a process now, thankfully, that kind of forces me to review so that it helps me become a little bit clearer of what’s important. And I can say these things are important to me and I have a a mirror or talking buddy that is is helping me remember the things that I’m saying because my brain says all sorts of things all the time.

The ShortMerc (18:06)
Yeah. I I mean that’s one of the positive ways to use AI, I think. There listen, there’s really shitty ways to use it, which we’re all seeing right now are the shitty ways that people are using it and it’s not cool. But if you do have AI, we’re not gonna demonize it here either. There are some benefits to it, which is using it as a filter. And then that also got me thinking, you know, Ashley, do you have a filter for what you delegate besides time or no I know this is the the

Holland gods have now turned their sights on to you, so I’m being kind of an asshole here, but ⁓ I’m curious.

Ashley Stolitza (18:37)
It’s okay.

So if I have a filter for my ideas?

The ShortMerc (18:44)
Yeah, like besides

just I wanna get this thing done ’cause it sounds like you know what’s important to you or do you? Do you also need to figure out what’s important to you before you can set that boundary?

Ashley Stolitza (18:56)
You know, I I don’t know that I this is gonna come out wrong and I promise I’ll explain it because you I feel like you’re both gonna stare at me funny, but I don’t know that I have a lot of ideas all the time. I I think I tend to your face froze perfectly on that at that point. Like just that was amazing. I think I have ideas as ⁓

Chris (19:18)
What’d that mean?

Ashley Stolitza (19:22)
I think my ideas tend to be solutions to problems, not creative endeavor ideas. Like I I think there’s a difference a little bit not that I can’t be creative. I have learned I can be. But I don’t know that I have

that that’s my primary way of thinking. so when I say ideas, generally it’s here’s a problem. No matter how big or small, d when I say problem I don’t mean a huge issue, but yeah, something has come up and this is gonna make it more efficient. This is gonna make it easier. This is gonna make me happier. This is gonna make there’s there’s it’s a it’s an idea in relation to something that’s already in front of me. So I don’t necessarily know that I

have to filter it because generally it’s our ⁓ maybe the filter comes in with okay I have I’m already working on five other things so and this is not a problem that is, you know, too intense in front of me right now, so that can be a later thing and then I’ll forget about it. And if it’s a problem that comes up again, I’ll probably remember it. I think I just yeah, I go kind of moment by moment in that way.

The ShortMerc (20:37)
⁓ It’s almost like your your input valve is ⁓ is the filter. Just like, no, no, there’s too many things. This is this is what’s in front of me right now. I’m good. You you should just like we’re not putting it all in there. Don’t have the space for all of this. We’re just going here. That’s ⁓ that’s nifty actually. It’s pretty cool. I think I that’s something I think a lot of people do work towards getting to.

Chris (20:47)
You have control on the input valve.

Ashley Stolitza (20:49)
A little

bit.

Yeah.

The ShortMerc (21:04)
is being able to go this I know everything else exists, but this is my scope currently, so I’m just gonna see what’s there and go in that direction. ⁓ it’s pretty healthy too. And also, I I sensed another season two topic coming up, but creativity is vastly misunderstood. To to to everybody out there, creativity is is in everything. But I don’t mean that in just the artistic way. I mean that also in the incredibly destructive I put TNT underneath this boulder and hit the

Ashley Stolitza (21:22)
Yeah. Yeah, when I

The ShortMerc (21:35)
Kinda work.

Ashley Stolitza (21:36)
Yeah, when I say creativity I mean more artsy fartsy. I’m just trying not to say artsy fartsy for some reason.

The ShortMerc (21:41)
Yeah. If

I I don’t know, I think it’s the fartsy at the end, but as we have also shown, farting is very important. It is a very important part of life.

Ashley Stolitza (21:51)
That is true.

Chris (21:51)
I think we talk about it every episode.

The ShortMerc (21:53)
Yeah. So

far. So far. But well, you’d be surprised. Like you ⁓ so going through everything, like, I’ve learned how much the brain and the gut actually talk to each other. So I talk about this kind of stuff a lot because, you know, when people talk about butterflies or they talk about I need to, ⁓ run to the bathroom or I get so nervous and I get stuck in the bathroom or, you know, it makes me want to throw up or something like that. One, I’ve learned that this lovely thing called the vagus nerve, which is also not new.

But it’s a pain in the ass. It’s it’s an important nerve. Don’t just think you can go get it removed or dampen it, because if you do, you won’t be able to eat, drink, breathe, or blink. ⁓ But this nerve runs you won’t be able to do shit. You need this nerve. It runs from I think it’s behind the right side, like kind of like where your the right ear is back there, and it runs all the way down through your chest cavity into your intestines. And

Ashley Stolitza (22:36)
Regulate.

The ShortMerc (22:52)
It it’s a two way street. So like, you know, when you eat things and then you’re like, I’m never gonna eat this again I feel horrible and then like your nerves are inflamed in your intestines and everything and your brain just goes to the worst possible places because your brain is like, I need to distract myself right now and then your body is like, But I’m suffering So you must suffer with me and then it takes you on those wild rides to then when everybody feels better, everybody feels better. So I talk a lot about it because ⁓

methane and all the stuff that’s inside of your insides are just blowing out and it’s pressing up against these nerve bundles and it it does a lot of things that people don’t really think about when they’re having they’re just like farts are hilarious and it’s like, yeah they are and they’re also healthy. ⁓ they tell you a lot about your gut health, but they can also impact your brain. So I do I do talk a lot about it and just about every episode, if not every episode. So

Ashley Stolitza (23:48)
important.

So I will say artsy fartsy is the bottom line. Cool. So I’m not No, that was really thank you, ’cause I I love the Vegas nerve. It’s a f fantastic, interesting, fascinating, fascinating was the word I was going for. part of the body and brain that we don’t ever hear about. But yeah.

The ShortMerc (23:51)
Heh farts are good.

they’re Chris.

Chris (24:11)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (24:13)
Chris is like, how did

I get involved?

Chris (24:16)
like I like I think gut health is cool. I started I I started learning about beans recently. Apparently they’re super good for you. I can’t speak very intelligently on them, but I started eating more

The ShortMerc (24:20)
Ha ha ha.

Ashley Stolitza (24:21)
Yes.

Good.

The ShortMerc (24:26)
Ha ha ha.

Great. That is fabulous.

Ashley Stolitza (24:34)
Good. Is it

Chris (24:36)
Okay.

Ashley Stolitza (24:37)
is

it healing your gut health?

Chris (24:40)
I don’t know, I started like two days ago. I was like, How am I gonna eat beans? And apparently if you make like bean salsa, it’s a really good way to eat beans.

Ashley Stolitza (24:42)
⁓ all right. So

Yeah, it is.

The ShortMerc (24:53)
Or you can like make certain bean pastes. I know in ⁓ I think it’s there’s a lot of Asian cultures that also use a lot of beans. ⁓ and they’re delicious. Like my aunt is Korean and she does great things. I can’t eat them. I learned that the hard way growing up. ⁓ non animal proteins and I are not friends, so I am now a defender of all plants.

But beans are awesome. And Sol said, Hey, I have an idea. Maybe we can bait a certain somebody who should have been on this from the beginning to show up with a bean recipe soon.

Chris (25:30)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (25:33)
Good luck.

Chris (25:33)
That sounds

great. I think I would use it.

The ShortMerc (25:35)
What?

think a lot of people would use it. Like he’s I remember he made like this quinoa dish ⁓ with mushrooms and bacon and some other stuff that was amazing and it was delicious and it was filling and it didn’t make me feel like an icky person afterwards. And I don’t mean icky in the metaphorical way, I mean like physically put me in the ground and be done with it.

Chris (26:04)
Yay beans.

Ashley Stolitza (26:04)
If all

if only he would show up every once in a while. Ooh, okay. Anyway.

The ShortMerc (26:10)
Ho ho ho ho ho

ho ho ho ho ho Chris’s face.

Ashley Stolitza (26:13)
Ha ha

Chris (26:15)
All that.

The ShortMerc (26:16)
That was great. That was gre like I understand chefing is hard and everything, but come on, man, don’t leave us hanging.

Chris (26:21)
John,

John, I’ve never met you, but hear me out. I just ordered three cans of beans for this week and I have no idea how I’m gonna eat Just saying I need some help.

The ShortMerc (26:31)
I don’t know.

Ashley Stolitza (26:32)
If

we if we talk about beans and say we don’t know how to cook ⁓ will he just show up? Is this like a beetle bruise situation? Okay.

The ShortMerc (26:38)
Maybe.

Chris (26:39)
Yeah. Yeah.

And and why don’t I eat more asparagus? I wanna know that question too. Like w there’s lots of questions that he could help us answer.

The ShortMerc (26:40)
Maybe

He definitely could. He defin and he’s also like a fitness head. So, you know, talking about nutrition and and ways to tame everything would be excellent. But to this question’s point, ⁓ so we either sounds like we either dump our own ideas into repositories and then use that as a filter. ⁓ pretty much look at things for whatever is in our purview and

Chris (26:57)
That’ll be fun.

The ShortMerc (27:14)
Don’t really look around elsewhere, that’s that whole your eyes are bigger than your stomach concept in my brain is what that’s kind of making me think of of like, Yeah, you know your stomach is only so big and your eyes get really big, happy ideas. ⁓ I don’t think I actually answered that question fully on what I do with that one.

Ashley Stolitza (27:21)
Yeah.

All right, so it’s your turn. What do you do?

The ShortMerc (27:36)
I I create things. I give it a full backstory. Every every idea that actually jumps in my so I I let them all flow and do what they’re gonna do. And then the ones that jump in my face like gnats that are just like, Hey, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. Just like, all right, cool, I’m gonna put you down, I’m gonna give you an entire backstory, let you create yourself, and then I want you I don’t really put them on trial. I I turn them into little I know everything’s No, fuck that.

Ashley Stolitza (28:03)
No C B T for you.

The ShortMerc (28:06)
I d they’re turning to little stories.

Chris (28:07)
Now that you have a personality, you must behave.

The ShortMerc (28:13)
Authoritarianism. Yes and if you can’t handle it, get the fuck out That’s that’s actually what I do. I I if it if you can’t hold the weight of of our existence, I don’t have time for you. ⁓ and I know the others have their own way of doing things, but as far as the body and being a primary and having to navigate, ⁓ if you can’t hold your own shit, get the fuck out.

Chris (28:14)
You give them more responsibility? Is that what you’re saying? Interesting. Interesting. I like that.

Ashley Stolitza (28:20)
no.

Chris (28:29)
Fun.

The ShortMerc (28:42)
Ha ha ha.

So that’s how I handle that.

Chris (28:46)
Like that.

So you’re basically like, ⁓ hello idea. That is an interesting one. Why don’t you I’m gonna corporate speak this. Can you go flesh it out and circle back and prop come to me with a proposal?

The ShortMerc (28:57)
Okay.

Yeah. What is

Why do I feel like we’re thinking of the same person? Because right before you said flesh it out, my brain was like flesh it out and then turn around and go grab a proposal and then bring it to me and then we’ll talk about it.

Chris (29:13)
Ha ha ha ha.

So you micromanage your ideas. That’s interesting.

The ShortMerc (29:20)
Yeah, I put and I put them on a shelf too and it like with all my other ideas and some of the ones that have flushed out, ⁓ that that have stuck around, for example, the book series and whatnot, I will sit there and go see these are the ones that I’ve also helped flesh out more, that have helped me flesh out. So if you don’t provide some type of synergy to the situation, you’re gonna sit on that shelf and then you’re gonna get dusty, and then when I’m in one of my moods, because they will happen, I’m going to destroy you.

Chris (29:50)
You either get dusted or you get dusted.

The ShortMerc (29:53)
Yeah

exactly. Don’t get dusty cause you’ll get dusted, alright? That’s all I’m saying. yeah.

Chris (30:00)
It it that reminds

Ashley Stolitza (30:00)
Catchphrase.

Chris (30:01)
me of the tie back to like why healing is is fun and I think like the cool part about this conversation so far is that we’re having a lot of fun talking about interesting ways we’ve found our ourselves to like deal with the difficult things and the idea that you can put an idea on the shelf is ha has come about because of all the the healing work that you’ve done and how you feel comfortable enough that this is not a lost thing.

This is a thing that is not necessarily mine and if it wants to be mine, it also has to show me give some energy towards it, which is I think has been difficult for me in in my journey and letting those type of things go because often I’ll think of really cool ideas and be like, I’ve gotta hold on to it for years until I you know, find something better or or whatever.

And then some ideas are just like bug me every once in a while and I’ll feed them like you had mentioned and ⁓ they keep coming back. But it’s been really important for me to realize that they’re not all mine. And that’s like the cool part about the healing for me is realizing that ⁓ because they’re not all mine, they don’t all get the same amount of energy and attention, which is the healing of it. So I have attention and energy for other things, which is pretty amazing.

The ShortMerc (31:25)
Yeah. It it’s cool too, ’cause it seems like we’re we have like a we all do the same thing, but in different stages from the sounds of it. So it sounds like you use the filter and then Ash is like, Well, I know I have to use the filter and I’ve used the filter, so now this is what I see and I’m like, Great, this is what’s here and what’s in front of us and you’re gonna be there whether you’re gonna be there or not. ⁓ you’re gonna be there ’cause you are. And you just now you have to vie for that.

you have to vie for that spot ’cause I’ve only got so much room, man. Like y y you might also have to wait for us to come back around. So it’s kinda cool how it seems like it’s ⁓ it’s the same journey almost, but at different stages. Yeah.

Chris (32:05)
Yeah. Yeah, it’s like

the different way we filter things is is very similar but to completely different. Like I can’t even imagine being able to turn off that faucet that we talked that about that Ashley has. Like that’s and that’s why I have a lot of trouble sometimes and why AI has been instrumental in me organizing it because I can brain dump with my voice

The ShortMerc (32:15)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (32:24)
Ha

ha.

The ShortMerc (32:34)
Mm.

Chris (32:34)
And

then not have to go read my own thoughts, which come with a whole other baggage of of something. So I can get very easily lost in the the flow of those thoughts that I have, especially since I really enjoy that part about myself. Like I love getting lost in a daydream. ⁓ but when you have w when you after years and years and years of like hundreds of daydreams

Getting lost in hundreds of daydreams is completely overwhelming.

The ShortMerc (33:08)
Yeah. Yeah, it certainly can be. And I it’s so and this might be a little controversial, but whatever. Daydreams and trauma are also very similar, ⁓ in that respect because, you know, daydreams you can get lost in them and sometimes they’re fun to get lost like that’s the kind of the lighter side. Even if your daydreams are darker daydreams, if they’re dreams I consider those to be light if they’re nightmares, I’m sorry, that sucks for you, but we’ll get there. ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (33:09)
I bet.

Chris (33:27)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (33:35)
But yeah, like so you get lost in a daydream, but then you keep getting lost in the daydream. And it’s kind of like, yeah, it’s a pretty forest, but how the fuck do I get out of this thing? And then on the trauma side, it’s like, I don’t want to be lost in this, but I’m gonna be, because that’s just how my brain has learned to survive. So now I’m just gonna keep sitting in the city. Now I’m lost in even more of a trauma. And then instead of being a beautiful forest, it’s like this desolate wasteland where you never see anything, but everything sees you and it trips you all the time, and you’re like

How the fuck do I get out of here? ⁓ which then that’s I think that’s when you learn to start. Hold on a second. Fire usually fixes all of this. One minute. Yes. Well, I you’re gonna you need to get out of there at some point. And there’s so much of it inundating you, the the d damage that’s done with the fire that some people might say, but it’s gonna burn.

Chris (34:14)
Ha ha ha.

Just met.

Ashley Stolitza (34:18)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (34:29)
It’s like, yeah, but you’re not going through just hacking and slashing and not paying attention. You’re you’re on a very set mission of I wanna get through the thing. So that’s to to Ashley’s point, it’s like, yeah, I need to there’s a lot of shit everywhere, but now I need to go with that way because it’s not that way, because that way is on fire. And I know that. But it’ll die.

Chris (34:37)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (34:49)
Yeah.

Chris (34:50)
So you focus

by by burning the path behind you.

The ShortMerc (34:53)
⁓ She said I’m going this way because that’s what’s in front of me and eventually it will run out or it won’t or I’ll run out, but th we’re not going in the same circles. Like I think it’s kinda cool.

Ashley Stolitza (34:54)
Ha ha ha.

Yeah, it’s funny though. It’s it’s ⁓ don’t get me wrong, I like it and it’s

funny how we kind of need each other because I see it as yes it’s healthy, it’s g in many respects that I can kind of focus and just, you know, focus on one idea at one time. But then if I’m asked, what do you wanna do? Like what do you what what kind of creative endeavor do you want to do? What kind of artsy fartsy endeavor do you want to do? What kind of hobby do you wanna do? What ki you know, if it if it goes outside of my kind of linear th way of thinking, I I freeze.

And I ⁓ and I very much am stuck for a moment of I I have no idea, that’s not a problem. That’s something else. So how do I I don’t know which direction to go in now. Now you now I’m lost in the woods, the fire’s behind me. I know I’m supposed to go down that path, but you just told me that I have other choices? What do you mean?

The ShortMerc (36:03)
Ha ha.

Chris (36:04)
if you could like talk

about your process of how you came to like, I’m gonna go do archery, because I wasn’t part of the beginning of that. ⁓ but to me that is you saying, I found something creative to do and I’m going to decide to do it. So what was your process in like coming to that? Did Jess just tell you to find something to do? Okay, cool, cool. I’m interested then.

Ashley Stolitza (36:25)
No.

The ShortMerc (36:25)
I wasn’t involved in the archery, okay. I got I got dragged and I was like,

Let me let me support this idea ’cause it’s a good one and also who doesn’t need another kill skill? I mean

Ashley Stolitza (36:35)
Ha ha.

Chris (36:37)
Wait.

Ashley Stolitza (36:38)
You know, that’s a good question. I I know that I really like the show Arrow. and wh I know that I don’t love the idea of owning a gun. and I know I’ve always wanted to sh try shooting and yeah, I think I was I was working on my I made like a I don’t wanna call it.

vision board ⁓ kind bingo board. ⁓ that’s what it’s actually called. I made a bingo board ⁓ for twenty twenty six and I needed to fill the spaces and I put on there try shooting a bow and arrow because I was thinking about arrow, the show. I literally that was that was the entire

Thought process. and I thought, you know, i maybe this won’t even be a thing. I hadn’t even looked to see if that was a thing that you could go do. I just randomly wanted to do it. And so I I put it on there and then when I got back from my vacation, I realized that

I didn’t this is gonna sound really sad the way it’s coming out, but I don’t mean it that way. I realized I didn’t have a lot going on, personally. You know, I I was very focused on work. I didn’t really have hobbies or things that I wanted to stick with or things that I found pat I was f passionate for. except, you know, I really loved being in Biloxi and gambling with my mom healthily, you know, we did it in a healthy way. And I wanted to find fun. And so I thought, Okay, let me randomly look up, let’s just see

pick something off the board and see if it’s there and then found it and now here we are. And then I I as I was picked up the bow, I thought, this is what a hobby feels like. This is what people, what passion feels like. okay.

Chris (38:29)
It’s a creative hobby too, like you’re using a ton of the same patterns as you would for just painting. It’s all about like coordination basically. Like

Ashley Stolitza (38:38)
True.

True.

Chris (38:42)
Ha like you

have a specific goal where you’re trying to like hit the target, but you’re going about it in your own sort of way, which is which is I think is pretty I think that is important to say because you had mentioned that you don’t know what you’re ⁓ or you don’t know how to think of creative things and a lot of times it’s things like this don’t even seem creative. ⁓ and I think that

It’s a super bummer that we’ve separated creativity or like we’ve attached creativity to the arts because th they have nothing to do with I mean, they have so a lot to do with each other. Like obviously they’re related, but creativity does not equal the arts.

The ShortMerc (39:32)
I I totally agree. And also, ⁓ to that point, you guys did amazing on that trip. Just and that’s not to mean you came back rich. That means you did not come back any poorer. ⁓ So kudos on the healthy healthiness of that. And Chris, that’s kind of what I was getting at too. It’s just like everything everything every day is creative and destructive. Like that’s it’s just part of balance. I mean just the thing that is the thing.

Chris (39:41)
That was so.

Ashley Stolitza (39:46)
Mm, mm, yeah.

The ShortMerc (40:01)
It was really cool the way that you did get interested in that using who’s to say too, talking about the arts and the synergy here, you used a T V show f based off of a comic book to that brought an interest to something that you were like, Hey, self care is important. Let me go ahead and

Ashley Stolitza (40:12)
True.

The ShortMerc (40:21)
Try something out. I’m a little curious about how to do this. I’m gonna go explore this idea that I randomly had that has been nagging me to the point where I have now put it on a bingo board, aka your shelf, to see if it would actually serve you after sifting out ideas over the last several years.

Chris (40:39)
Yeah. I also thought it was really interesting how this idea came from like a a large a large variety of needs kind of like coalescing into into one sort of, hey, what if

That was pretty cool for like I don’t want to own a gun but like I would love to try to shoot stuff and arrow seems really cool. So I thought it was I’m I’m starting to like question the way th what my process is and like if I combine things like that too. And I don’t even know the answer. So that’s ⁓ that’s that’ll be fun to contemplate.

Ashley Stolitza (40:55)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (41:14)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (41:14)
That’s cool. It also got me thinking too because and I can say the name of the place on here, right? Like that that we go to ’cause I feel like it’s important. Okay.

The ShortMerc (41:22)
Yeah, no, definitely a shout out

to Quest Archery, they’re awesome. Sorry, took that. My bad.

Ashley Stolitza (41:26)
Yeah. No,

that’s fine. I’m glad you did. Be and the reason I say that is because as we talk about healing, I part of the reason why I don’t want to go to a shooting range is be or why I I hesitate or I’m scared of whatever. ⁓ is because I come from Florida and well, I originally come from Minnesota, but I I’ve lived in Florida a lot. And you know, there’s a lot of racism in Florida. There’s a lot of

The i isms in Florida. A not that it’s not everywhere, but it’s pretty prominent there and I any time you any time I think of a gun range, I think of the isms and walking into ⁓

a place where there’s also like a lot of machis like macho like you ⁓ you you came here and you don’t know what you’re doing and yeah just a lot of negatives that go that come to mind for me. And so going even just going to that

archery class was huge because again in my head I was terrified. I I thought I there’s no way. You know what if I walk in and and we’re back in Florida and there’s all the isms and and or what if I get judged or all the what ifs and what I loved is you know I walked in, we walked in and they had all those really like Black Lives Matter and LGBTQ plus welcome here and it was very welcoming in the space. And then I also

Also, I have my own issues with learning and perfectionism. I know you’re both shocked. And I thought that what if I suck at this? I mean, literally, I was standing there listening to ⁓ Dave. Was this yep, listening to Dave starting the conversation about what to do, and there were only two other people and then the two of you, and I was panicked. I was internally completely I th the thoughts going through my head were literally, I can’t do this. I need to walk out. I I think I need to just leave. I don’t think I can.

do this and I pushed through it and Dave was so nonchalant like he was such a good teacher without being overbearing without without being like you you failed or you messed up or you know when he switched my bow to the the other one the

The ShortMerc (43:42)
That compound.

Ashley Stolitza (43:43)
Thank you, the

The ShortMerc (43:43)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (43:44)
compound bow. I didn’t feel shamed by it. It he he didn’t I think in other spaces historically I felt y you you need this, okay. But for for him it was just try this, this might be better. And it the learning experience was also healing for me and ⁓ very ⁓ it was it was like a corrective experience because by the end of it I thought, okay, I I wasn’t great, but I didn’t suck.

And even if I did suck, I could get better by just continuing to come. So I think it was a really good healing experience for me. And that was the good side of healing because even though there was that initial absolute panic, I need to run out of here, once I pushed through that, I was able to find something that I feel like I’m passionate about now.

The ShortMerc (44:36)
Good man, and real quick, I’m not gonna appreciate it. I’m not gonna ⁓ not gonna lie, if if you would have like, No, we’re leaving after I’d already gotten that bow and all that stuff man, there’s a weapon in my hands and I don’t know how to use it and I get to learn something. No, you were s you are not leaving.

Chris (44:36)
⁓ yeah. Go ahead.

Ashley Stolitza (44:53)
I know.

Chris (44:55)
You did

Ashley Stolitza (44:56)
I

Chris (44:56)
this

Ashley Stolitza (44:56)
think

Chris (44:56)
to me, you’re gonna stick through it.

Ashley Stolitza (44:59)
Yeah, I think

The ShortMerc (44:59)
This has been paid for?

Absolutely not.

Ashley Stolitza (45:03)
Mm.

I think you both would have been just grabbed my arm, but like, Nope, you’re in this

The ShortMerc (45:07)
Yeah, yeah, well

I I mean I was I was I’m not gonna lie, I was definitely putting you between us for several reasons. One of them being Well, if you fall forward I’m gonna I’m here and if you try to run out the door, Chris is gonna be like, Where the hell are you going? Just where’s Ashley going? One, no, you can’t, you’ve got the keys to the car. And two, but where the hell are you going? So

Chris (45:21)
Ha ha ha.

Ashley Stolitza (45:23)
Ha ha.

⁓

Yep.

The ShortMerc (45:36)
All that to say is I’m glad, man. That’s awesome that that’s how it led you. And it seems too like you were invited two people that you knew were not gonna let you chicken out.

Chris (45:44)
Yeah,

that’s true.

Ashley Stolitza (45:45)
Yep.

Yep. And it helped too because Chris, when you linked it to kinda your birthday, ⁓ ’cause I’m such a for other people, right? So i i I’m more likely to follow through on things for other people. So the second I saw you and I knew you were there f for your birth like partly for your birthday, I also couldn’t leave. That was truly one of the things that went through my head. I thought I I can’t walk out. That’s he this is his birthday trip. What w I d I have to be here.

Chris (45:55)
yeah.

okay.

Yeah. Interesting.

I like that I like that. And like I think part of that you planned and part of it was kind of accidental. But what’s kind of stands out to me about your story is

all the things that you were worried about were not real things and like you were surprised that all of those things actually didn’t even exist, which I think is a really cool part about the healing journeys the your older thoughts about whatever this was about for you, you were able to get to a place where you were confident enough and you also had other people to hold you accountable.

The ShortMerc (46:27)
Sorry about that.

Chris (46:53)
to to realize that these thoughts that you have are d are not real about this specific situation. So that’s the not suck part of it, right? You realize that

all the things that you were worried about or the things that you were dealing with, they they’re not the same things as you thought they were. And you’re always gonna be surprised by putting yourself into new situations. And if you’re doing it in a way that is of interest to you and especially if you have a community around you, that’s like super huge. And that’s a part of the thing that I struggle with is getting people involved in the things that I really enjoy because

I have a very like go at it on your own sort of attitude and and don’t ask for support. So I really like that part of your story where it was super important for you to be there for other people when in fact you were also like there because of you. Which I thought was really interesting.

Ashley Stolitza (47:54)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (47:57)
Yeah man. And to your point, Chris, even if you’re not surprised about new experiences and things like that, new experiences are still exp they’re important to explore. And if it’s something that you enjoy doing and you have s people that you enjoy having being around, or even if there’s a an idea of a certain type of person that you want to be around, then

Go do the thing. I think that’s when you were saying if you build it they will come at which I don’t think originated in that movie. but when you say those things, it’s just kinda like, yeah, but you the you have to put some energy into projecting it as well. So Ashley, you took something that was important to you and interesting to you, and you know me, I’m a comic book head. I’m sitting in a Dragon Ball Z sweatshirt right now. So, you know, if it’s if it’s comics or manga or anything related to that, you’ve pretty much at least got my attention.

⁓ and then on that front I remember Arrow. I had to I was watching that show before you because you’re a Ninja Turtle head and Stephen Mel had been cast as Casey Jones and I was like, no, no, hold on, let me go find all the things that are cool about this guy. I know he sounds squeaky right now, but he’s a white guy, it’s fine, he’ll grow out of it.

Ashley Stolitza (49:10)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (49:12)
Yeah,

like having to go and watch that and then you got interested and then you you dragged me into it, then you dragged Chris who you d had no idea loved doing this kind of stuff. And it’s I like that too, and I do like the support side of it. Not so much because it’s like you you’re held held accountable and everything, but you also gave us all a place to put our weird energy. ‘Cause you know, growing up in Florida also I I was born in Florida and unfortunately raised in Florida. ⁓

So the whole racism thing and and the isms, definite it’s it’s a thing. ⁓ any place that starts banning books you imagine there are gonna be some things. ⁓ but one of the the privileges of going through not just the microaggressions, and I did just say that, the privilege of going through an aggression

is not it’s and you know growing up there I mean I’ve been spit on for being black. I was told I wasn’t strong where I was the strongest one in the class but I have you know vagina boobs you’re a girl you’re not strong at all you know you’re black so you’re stupid highest IQ in the class and they’re just like now you’re an idiot you know things like this and and I’ve I’ve been physically beaten all that stuff so really after all of this and that was by people I didn’t know too. Like I just

don’t know these people. And then going through this and being judged, I mean, I was followed around in stores. I remember

⁓ when you we both went to Barnes and Noble in Waterford and I was followed around by that lady and I I was just like whatever. Like this is it happens. Ashley was pissed like Chris. She was livid. We never went back, like the Facebook posts that came after that. And then your mom also experienced it when we went to the ball because I got followed around in Dillard’s cause

What are you doing here? But the the privilege, long and short, of the this the privilege that that grants me is I can just walk into a situation and go, I mean, you guys are gonna do whatever the fuck you’re gonna do, but I wanna know what this is about. So you know, and and then as far as thinking about the people you wanna hang out with, I didn’t have a lot of friends, you know, growing up or what have you, ’cause

Ashley Stolitza (51:13)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (51:23)
When you’re you’re a little fractured, split up and, you know, losing time and stuff like that, that people just think that you’re weird, you’re attention grabbing, you’re young, all of these things and it’s like I I honest to God have no idea what happened.

⁓ I don’t care which god, you can pick the god, doesn’t matter to me. But I have no idea what happened, is this is the story of it. And I started thinking about, you know, I just want somebody who’s gonna accept me and all of my weird shit. You know, like I that’s all I want. I just want a friend who’s not what they seem to be on the outside, you know, who’s got a soul who is ex likes to explore things, who sees beyond all of the shit that I’ve been inundated with. And then I met Ashley, which then led us to the absentee chef.

Ashley Stolitza (51:41)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (52:08)
Which then longs Beans, John, beans

Chris (52:09)
Hmm.

Ashley Stolitza (52:14)
Or trying.

The ShortMerc (52:15)
Which then led all the way down to eventually meeting you because if it wasn’t for Ashley, I yeah, I had health issues that were trying to kick me out of the state, but I didn’t have the resources to leave. I didn’t have what the fuck am I gonna go do out there? I don’t know any different. and then Ashley was like, Fuck this place, let’s go. And so we got the car

Pointed out a map, Massachusetts was it. We ended up here, then I had to go find a job. Then I eventually found a job where you were there. As you said before, I wanted to kill you out of the time. And I guarantee you, you did not look at me and go, that’s a stand-up citizen all of the time. I I was not great back then. I I was a little

Ashley Stolitza (52:53)
Stand up citizen.

Chris (52:54)
No, I mean yeah, I mean, you’re a terrifying person to like get to know. But that’s

Ashley Stolitza (52:58)
Yeah.

Chris (53:00)
also I didn’t I didn’t understand anything about DID either. So like I didn’t know I was dealing with different parts of you. and I don’t think I even really like truly understood that until like we had a little bit of a falling out and I was like, Okay, this is like weird and confusing, but sure, like

I’m I’m also being called out which was fair. ⁓ and I’m always and I’m always like open to like being a better version of myself. So I think that’s probably why we do get along really well. Cause I don’t I don’t always take your ⁓ criticism is not the right word, but I don’t always take your point of view personally. ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (53:45)
Feedback?

The ShortMerc (53:47)
Yeah. Fe

feedback. You shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t. Like I it’s just a perspective just as much as anything else. It’s just this is this is what I’m noticing. And I had my own shit too, ’cause there are times when s just so everybody listening at home knows, these two give it back to me just as much as I give it to them. ⁓ so Ashley especially gives it back. ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (54:09)
yeah.

The ShortMerc (54:11)
Yeah, and it’s like that thing that you just you can’t fight it either because it’s either gonna not give a shit about you or it’s gonna go Okay and just make you punch yourself in the face. ⁓ so it’s yeah, it’s one of those things. But

Nah, you you should and I like the fact that you don’t take all of those criticisms because it shows me too like where am I being too harsh? You know, where am I where am I being too abrasive? What am I not seeing? What’s another viewpoint that I could see that might make this a little bit easier because I do value my friends. ⁓ once you get in, you do not get to escape. I’m sorry. But

Chris (54:43)
She didn’t know.

She broke up with me and then she called me back and she was like, Stop being stupid, we’re friends again. I was like, I didn’t do anything.

The ShortMerc (54:50)
Well

Ashley Stolitza (54:50)
Ha ha ha.

The ShortMerc (54:56)
Yeah, I mean and we’ve had moments too where there are things where you’re like, Yeah, you’re right, I’ve done the stupid, I’ve done the thing. So and I that’s just friendship on a long scale, but the way that I was raised too was you you’re born alone, you’re gonna live alone, you can’t trust your friends, they’re all garbage people and you’re gonna die by yourself and I’m like, Cool, nah

Chris (55:02)
I’m yeah. Yeah.

That sounds fun.

The ShortMerc (55:20)
Yeah, so all like and and I wouldn’t have ever gotten here or been able to use, you know, the bullish energy or or seen the shit that I need to fix for myself or for the others. Like like I think another thing people don’t realize is is in the D I D world and we do talk about our our mental divergences a lot on the show, not just me but everybody. ⁓

One of the things that a lot of th people think about is like, well you must know that you’re already split I had no fucking idea. Like I had no clue. I thought I again I thought I was just crazy. I was just blackening out. I had a lot of concussions. Like people were calling me insane, so I figure I just maybe had a mood disorder. ⁓ you know

doctors were putting me on meds like effectsor and lithium and just telling me that I was bipolar and all of this stuff and then I was like so and and all of that got me thinking this none of this sounds correct but I also don’t have the bandwidth for some reason to go check it out myself so I guess I’ll I’ll wait. ⁓ and then

Chris (56:22)
Well you also like someone

teaches you that that’s an option.

The ShortMerc (56:26)
Yeah, they don’t. And to like Ashley’s point of like, wait, what do you mean? All of this stuff is an option? You know, it wasn’t it actually wasn’t until that mental wishing of damn, I wish I had I had like a friend friend on the outside ⁓ that I was allowed to hang out with too. And then I met Ashley who was like, Fuck reality She was pretty much Yeah, exactly. She was like a fact is only a fact ’cause we’ve all agreed on it. Like

Ashley Stolitza (56:46)
Mm-hmm.

Chris (56:49)
Real eleven.

Ashley Stolitza (56:56)
Don’t get me started.

The ShortMerc (56:56)
What’s I that’s

that’s season two somewhere in there. We have an entire roster. ⁓ Yeah, it’s just we all agreed on it, so go explore shit. But stop punching people. S Yep.

Chris (57:10)
stop punching people. I

agree. I wanted to punch people a lot this week. Actually that that’s a really cool segue over so like I hurt my foot a few weeks back and it wasn’t really getting better, but also like I was on my feet all the time and I knew that

I I had a really good sense of why it was injured and like what to do to heal it. ‘Cause I’ve had foot problems for many, many years and I’ve seen tons and tons of paradiodrists and it’s at the point where ⁓

I know better about my health than if I were to go see a doctor. But my wife one day was like, Maybe you should go see a doctor about this and I snapped at her and I was like, Whoa, where did that come from? Like that was not ⁓ that was not cool. I was basically like

I don’t need to see a doctor ’cause I know what’s going on, but also like I had not really done as much as I could have done to make it better. So I I think there was a lot going on there and obviously I had to apologize. I didn’t have to, but ⁓

The ShortMerc (58:17)
Yeah. No, I

mean learning to apologize is also a part of healing. But not not absent apologizing. Not like saying sorry just to get out of trouble. Saying sorry. I mean there is a learning curve, I will give you that. Honesty. Yeah, fine Chris, but on it like at least Ashley said, at least you were honest about it. You know, like you came back around to realize you snapped.

Chris (58:22)
Yeah.

Right. Right. Well, I did that first.

Ashley Stolitza (58:32)
If you’re honest.

Chris (58:41)
I f yeah.

Well and the thing I think where that was coming from was I wasn’t I wa I was stuck in the pattern of like I don’t wanna be a burden. So I don’t wanna be off of my feet and icing my foot for more than X amount of time and then my kids home from school and I’m still working and there’s so many things but at that point I was like

⁓ if I don’t take care of myself, I’m just gonna keep acting like like an ass about someone telling me that I have to take care of myself. Like that’s really what it what it came down to. So it was at that point I was like, okay, you know, I need to spend half hour sitting down, icing my foot, and taking some anti-inflammatories and like I know how to take care of myself, but the

the other Chris was saying you don’t have time to take care of yourself. So I think that’s where that explosion came from. And it was important for me to realize, okay, like you are you know what to do, you just also have to step outside of your comfort zone and take care of yourself and have other things fall on somebody else while you take a couple days off.

The ShortMerc (1:00:00)
Yeah. I I mean and too, it’s like you physically we’re ti and it’s kinda like it was programmed, Chris. You know how you like you have Clippy, the little dude who’s helping you in Word except he was actually helpful in Microsoft Word. But they have nah

Ashley Stolitza (1:00:11)
Yeah.

Chris (1:00:12)
Not all the time.

He was very rarely helpful.

The ShortMerc (1:00:17)
He was helpful to me.

Ashley Stolitza (1:00:17)
I ha I hated

him back then, but looking back he was he was helpful. But ⁓ anyway.

The ShortMerc (1:00:25)
But like it’s kinda like clippy, like you have a brain clippy and well this works even better then since you d he wasn’t helpful to you. You have brain clippy and it’s just like, Yeah, but you’re trying to bold this statement. It’s like, what’s the middle of the word? Nah, but thank you. Kind of stuff. And and to the point of that, it’s like we’re taught

you know, physically if you don’t have the physical talent for art, if you don’t have the physical eye for, you know, design, if you are physically incapable of walking or d or doing anything, like taking care of anything, then you’re a burden. But we’re also not taught that, well, if you decide to push through it, again we’re we glorify pushing through it and just do it and the pain is there you know, if you push through you don’t

tell you what it does to your mental state either. Like I don’t think a lot of us got and maybe they didn’t know, but I don’t think a lot of us got the if you’re irritable, you’re taking away from people around you. If you snap at people, you’re taking away from people around you. If you just randomly blow up and you don’t take care to go figure out what’s making you randomly blow up.

you’re a burden to the people around you because they can’t trust you, they can’t relax around you, they can’t they feel like they have to pick up the slack, they have to pick up the responsibility because they’re walking on eggshells, which is something I’ve heard a lot of because on top of the the ⁓ DID, which I consider it a condition, not a disorder, because I like Mionnays, ⁓ but I can’t say DIC all the time. I and I’m not gonna ⁓ exactly.

But yeah, I have IED. I it’s which is intermittent explosive disorder. So for me to just be here and be like, no, I just blow up sometimes. It’s totally fine. That’s irresponsible. And I had to blow up and travel down the road of is this my fault? You know, I had to do it enough times to have somebody tell me, like, dude, why do you like Ashley, like, why do you keep fucking hitting me?

Chris (1:02:13)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:02:26)
And not in an abusive way. Like I thought I was playing around, but it was also like it was an outlet for my my anger. Like I didn’t know that for other folks it was not copacetic to just r it’s like if when you start playing around with a baby goat and the head butts a shit out of you and you’re like, what the actual fuck? Like

Ashley Stolitza (1:02:45)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:02:46)
It it’s not registering like you are human, I am goats, so like this isn’t okay to you and then we do our best to try to learn how to talk to each other, which is I think where compromise comes into play because I am a very ⁓ you know, rough and raw person, but I’ve also learned like be a little more delicate with the human

individual. You know, it’s not like a r rock wall, it’s not like a a everybody’s not a fellow warrior who wants to go fight and do all of these things or has gone through the same shit. But also, I had no fucking idea. Again, I didn’t know.

Chris (1:03:19)
And this was super recent

for you too. Like this

like with our falling out that we had, it was a mix of like me crossing some boundaries that I didn’t quite understand, but also it was you doing your explosive thing and just kind of like going in the other direction. So it was really interesting for me to be able to go and reflect on like, well, how am I operating? Like I do I mask a lot and I and I and I do that a lot and that makes me my behaviors or I used to at least that makes my behaviors

different and then you had your own thing going on. So it was interesting that we we separated and reflected and then came back to a place where we almost had more respect for each other afterwards and we had a better, ⁓ more honest relationship which was really cool.

The ShortMerc (1:04:08)
Those relationships are important and you’re absolutely right, ’cause and this is one of the things that I didn’t I thought I was just being chicken shit too. ⁓ on the other side of of my own explosions was and it took I didn’t understand this at all either. But I I felt like shit, like at the end of it I wa I had such a a ⁓ low

That I just I was like, man, this is all my fault. I am a shitty person. I do need to like you know, the world would probably be better off if I either just holed up somewhere in the mountains or just wasn’t here anymore. Which is it’s happened, you know, it’s it’s been a lot of those things. I think that also happened with me internally, which the others eventually got sick of my shit and were like, Hey, idiot, wake up. We are in danger. Dumbass, do your job. ⁓ but then like I was it like.

I thought about it, I reflected on it, I chatted, you know, therapist, internals, you my support group, and it came out like you’re not a shitty person. You do have a severe chemical imbalance that

Chris (1:05:09)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:05:10)
Like like my brain doesn’t make enough dopamine, serotonin and GABA to calm me down. So it’s just like when I’m up there, I’m up there, so I have to like physically pull it all the way back down. It’s like, yeah, you you are having a a reaction to this, but also you’re having a reaction to this. So yes, there’s something real in it, but you need to clear this shit before you can go find it, because it takes two to ten go man. Like you’re not gonna have any conflict unless there are two sides coming at the same thing.

And that’s when you realize that, you know, I at least for me I realized I was getting really angry about really seemingly stupid, like, you’re not a threat. I don’t need to explode at you. And I know what exploding does to me, so now I need to come back around and figure out how I could utilize that a lot better instead of just like blowing up at the people I care about. You know? And then also it took me a second of like, Chris probably needs this dude to think about his own shit ’cause there was stuff that did piss me off. I was I was like, there’s like

Chris (1:06:07)
Yeah, sure.

The ShortMerc (1:06:09)
actual shit in there that’s affecting both of you that the both of you are doing. So think about that and then talk about it like adults, yeah? Not like

Chris (1:06:16)
Yeah, and we could have

had a con like I guess we couldn’t have had a conversation right away about it because of the place that we both were. Like I was really defensive about it and you were really explosive about it and it just would have been bad. So it was almost better to just be like see ya later.

The ShortMerc (1:06:32)
Yeah. Exactly.

But then I think I don’t think either one of us would have been able to do that. Like I think this again is part of the less sucky part. It’s like, yes, turning around and having the conversation afterwards, like getting that shit started, and Ashley has been incredibly quiet this entire time, both because of allergies and ⁓ I can see the look on her face right now. And it is very much so that old school school teacher look of I told you, don’t do that.

Ashley Stolitza (1:06:54)
Ha ha ha.

Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:07:03)
But I mean like I I I think it’s this is the less sucked part of it. That’s when, you know, you’re able to go back and reflect and talk to yourself, talk to the others, and but you do have to go through this shit. Like you we had to do it. We had to it had to happen the way that it happened, and now we can come back around and talk about it. So while it does suck to come back around and talk about it, and you kind of feel like the

Chris (1:07:16)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:07:26)
I don’t want to talk to you and then at the end of it you’re like, no, we just have a different hierarchy of needs here. We should probably talk about what it is that we do need and I don’t actually know why X, Y, and Z happened. That set me off that way, so I’ll go figure that out. And you don’t actually know why this happened, so we’ll go figure that out and then we’ll come back together and be better for it. ⁓ Yeah.

Chris (1:07:47)
One of yeah, one of my

favorite things I like to to think about in in situations like that, even like with my kids or or whatever, because I understand how labels can be very dangerous, but I often think to myself, You’re not a bitch, but you’re definitely acting like one. You know, like that’s not who you are. That’s not your personality, but you’re you’re putting on that

vibe for for a reason, you know, like n it’s not because that’s who you are, but it’s because you need to feel protected or whatever. And I think it’s an important distinction to recognize and there’s a lot of places in my life where I’ve had to look at at myself and be like, you’re not lazy. You just like to be efficient. Like there’s a huge difference, but oftentimes efficiency looks really lazy. So it’s cool to like

The ShortMerc (1:08:40)
It can. It can.

Chris (1:08:43)
To f to see the the difference between how you’re acting and who you are and if you wanna change the way that you’re acting because of that.

The ShortMerc (1:08:54)
I’m I’m also gonna point out there too because you said feel protected, ⁓ which at for me at least the bitchy persona is not to feel protected. And I know for a lot of f and I know, I know. Yeah, no, no, I know. That’s why I’m saying for me, like with because I’ve been called a bitch to my face. Like you’re yeah, right, see? And that’s why I will not call

Chris (1:09:05)
And I wasn’t referencing you, but yeah.

You are

Ashley Stolitza (1:09:13)
My Chris.

The ShortMerc (1:09:17)
Paul, my my dissociative ⁓ identity disorder. I don’t again I don’t think of it as a disorder, but I am also a dick. I have a dick jar in my house because I am an asshole and my friends make me put my ⁓ hard earned coinage in there when I’m being a dick, so I really have to think about do I wanna say it like this? Yes! Yeah, no, I have a dick jar.

Ashley Stolitza (1:09:18)
Yeah.

Chris (1:09:25)
Yeah.

I didn’t know you had that, so you’re basically Schmidt. ⁓ All right. Good to know. I’m gonna

Ashley Stolitza (1:09:36)
Mm. Very much so.

Chris (1:09:40)
call you out more.

The ShortMerc (1:09:41)
Yeah, you should, ’cause then it goes towards something else I need that will keep me from being a dick. ⁓ but like for me, like when I especially since we’ve had things like falling outs, I’ve had falling outs all of my good friends. it’s

Chris (1:09:54)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (1:09:55)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (1:09:58)
For me when I put that back on, I’m like, listen, we were in a shitty place before and I’m doing my side of thing. I’m doing the best I can to do my side of things and you haven’t told me otherwise. So when I come at my friends hard like that or I’m being an asshole, I’m like, Hey, you need to fucking hear me right now. Like I I try to be gentle and sometimes I’m too gentle because I’m trying not to break the egg in my hand, but I have to remember that the shell is a protective barrier. Like

Don’t throw it at a wall, but also you can hold it with normal pressure and get it from point A to point B. Like you don’t have to It’s okay. But for me, sometimes getting my message across from point A to point B, I’m very much so direct and an asshole about it, because I’m like, no, I need this to hit you where it’s gonna hurt, so that you can feel this because like I’m also feeling myself slipping. And I don’t want to be protected from slipping. I just want you to know that we’re about to end up

We’re about to end up in in a a circle of sparring. ⁓ but not it’s not anything and and that’s the other thing I wanna kind of address too, is like directness, abruptness, and bitchiness does not necessarily mean the friendship is over. But

Chris (1:10:54)
Okay.

Yeah, which I didn’t know.

The ShortMerc (1:11:08)
I know,

it’s it’s crazy. Like it doesn’t necessarily and like there have been times when I’ve even tried to end friendships and certain people would not let certain things happen because one, they’re too annoying to kill, and two, they’re too annoying to let go of. ⁓ and that’s I think that’s also a good friend. Like Ashley’s helped me heal like nobody’s business too. Like it’s it’s a friend will tell you you’re being a fucking idiot and then that you need to deal with your shit.

Ashley Stolitza (1:11:20)
Hehehe.

The ShortMerc (1:11:35)
And then fuck off and go on about their own day until you you sit there and hear it because, you know, it’s they they can’t walk this walk for you. They can only point at it and go, You’re being an idiot. So when like the clippy version of yourself is like, ⁓ and you start snapping at people, remember on the outside, the clippy is making your actual friends snap. So tell little fucker to go hold some papers and be helpful. Like how I find him helpful sometimes. But

Ashley Stolitza (1:12:03)
Well, two things come to mind from that. One is when I was working with people who worked with parents, somehow I in that world, ⁓ we always taught that every behavior that a kid ⁓

that a kid like e experience or ⁓ what’s the word I’m looking for? Exudes expresses, thank you. every behavior that a kid expresses is they’re trying to tell you something. Like there is something behind it. And so that’s where strength based language comes in, right? Instead of they’re manipulating, maybe they’re just trying to get their needs met, but what need is it and we have to figure it out. And I feel like that’s a message that people get for kids a lot, but not for grown ups. And I think that there is

Chris (1:12:24)
Response.

Ashley Stolitza (1:12:50)
something behind and it’s different for everyone and that’s what’s that’s what can be challenging. ⁓ but you both mentioned like bitchiness and it means two very different things for you and you know what it means, the people around you know or learn what it means for you. ⁓

And I think that that’s just an important thing to keep in mind when you’re healing or when you’re just living is why am I why am I acting this way, why am I feeling this way, what’s underneath it, what need am I trying to get met? What you know, what is behind this? ⁓ and the second thing that also has to go with that is that healing, the non-secky part of healing, I feel like is community. We have we have our community and that’s how you learn it’s another way to learn ourselves too.

Chris (1:13:30)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (1:13:38)
is through each other and through falling outs or long conversations or screaming matches or whatever however you express your communication, right? but I think that that is the non sucky part is you find your people and your people help you find you.

The ShortMerc (1:13:46)
Yeah.

And once you find you too is sorry, Chris. I feel like we just played that game where it’s like you touch the who touched the buzzer first. I saw you Okay, cool. Awesome. Yeah. Okay, cool. I’m not crazy. I’m yeah. Alright, great. Great. No Fine. But I think that’s that’s amazing too, is like ’cause I I think about things like ⁓ going back to it like

Chris (1:14:02)
I wasn’t gonna say anything. I was agreeing. I said yeah. Leave me alone.

Ashley Stolitza (1:14:05)
You open your mouth.

Chris (1:14:16)
Okay.

The ShortMerc (1:14:24)
You found archery. Like you love archery like sure you’re not good at it. Yeah. I mean you are good at it. I don’t care what anybody says. Like you you’re both actually very good at I I’m an I’m enjoying the fact that I’m the shitty person on that side of it, because yesterday I tried to hit the target and I ended up going over the target and I hit dead center behind it, but it was behind it. So like you found archery, I found like writing and

and art and design. And I wouldn’t have gone into design if I hadn’t worked with you, Chris, because you were talking about random shit that I was like, while I’m annoyed by this conversation, he does bring up some pretty decent points. And nobody seems to know how to do that, so I’m gonna go learn. ⁓ Which then I mean it ended up like we have some great conversations about tech and design and like even designing lives and and like spiritual paths and stuff like that. And like Ashley if it wasn’t for you and you know, ⁓ John, who was a real person, I promise.

Chris (1:15:13)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:15:24)
Like but it like especially you Ashley, like if you hadn’t just bought the canvas and the paints and then thrown them at me and gone fucking do something like like stop being sad and angry, fucking do something about it. You didn’t pay for this, I did, so get over it. ⁓ I wouldn’t have t I wouldn’t have you know

Ashley Stolitza (1:15:34)
Heard about you.

The ShortMerc (1:15:48)
been like, I’m decent and then I wouldn’t have, you know, started questioning things like, Why is my style here different? One, why don’t I remember doing this? Two, why is the style so different? And three Why is this good? If if she hadn’t done that and then I got to know, you know, Dev on the inside who is also a cranky bitch, but y he loves doing his paints. And he’s very regimented. He likes to do what he does and that’s what he does and leave him alone. But at the same time, we wouldn’t have found our

Our place with each other, either being in the same body, even if it wasn’t for the community that we found on the outside. And even on the outside, it’s like, yeah, I’m abrasive and I’m I am absolutely a dick in all of my glory. ⁓ but at the same time, like if either of you called me and you were like, I have a problem, help? I’d be like, fuck it, I got you. Let’s fix it. And if it’s like it’s a person who won’t leave me alone, it’s like, all right.

Let me take care of that for you. And if it’s and I promise it’s not immediately gonna go to violence, like I d I will not go to prison for that, but they will stop leaving they will they will stop leaving things on your doorstep and they will leave you alone. Or if it’s like I need to figure out this particular problem and here are all the parts, but how the fuck do they fit? I got you. Like and I like that about myself. But likewise if I need to be slapped in the face by somebody who is not afraid to walk up to a bear in the woods.

Ashley’s definitely gonna be that person and that she’s gonna help me out of my shit because she can see where it is that I need to go. Likewise, I need to be fueled by certain things that Chris, you bring up like nobody’s business. Like you’ve always got something to fuel my brain to keep it going in ways that I have never thought. I’m just like, what in the fuck is this crazy ass wizard man talking about?

Chris (1:17:32)
Which is cool because it’s all stuff that

I I think would be cool that I don’t wanna do at all.

The ShortMerc (1:17:38)
Right.

And then you bring it up and I’m like, Well that actually that would work. Yeah, that would work here too. I wonder if we could ’cause then that would make us do this thing over here. That would be cool. That would we could all Okay. It’s true. He didn’t and then and then Ashley was like, We should talk about the thing and I went I wonder if we could put them all together.

Chris (1:17:48)
This podcast was my idea. I just didn’t want to do anything about it.

Ashley Stolitza (1:18:01)
No, I I believe what I said was I don’t wanna have conversations outside of work unless there’s a purpose for it that actually are deep and matter, like ’cause I’m tired and my brain is turned off. And you were like, Let’s give it a purpose ⁓

The ShortMerc (1:18:13)
Yeah.

Right. And then the imaginary

chef was like, Hey, you’re fucked up, Jess. That would be a cool thing to talk about. And then I was like, Go fuck yourself. You can go f you and everybody who thinks I should go talk about myself can go fuck yourself. And this is how I’m gonna get Chris to do things and Ashley to do things and god damn it. It did. It was awful. So

Ashley Stolitza (1:18:22)
⁓ yeah.

Chris (1:18:27)
Ha ha ha.

It worked.

Ashley Stolitza (1:18:39)
Mm-hmm.

The ShortMerc (1:18:40)
To the point, this is indeed the unsuck part of healing of yeah, we still all have our shit and we all have to deal with it. But at the same time, you know, ⁓ we have a community and then we have our overseer Spence, the sound guy, who I would have never met if I didn’t Yes, pray to Spencer. But like I would never have met him if I didn’t work at a a real estate tech company first, because then I met him at a

Chris (1:18:44)
Yeah.

Those weird defense.

The ShortMerc (1:19:09)
brokerage and then he was like, I have a dream and I was like, Well live your dream and don’t be dumb about it and he was like, Okay. Well now he lives his dream and he’s not dumb about it and he makes money based off of intestinal distress Or just needing to go to the bathroom in general.

Chris (1:19:29)
He writes jingles for for poopin’. He writes poopin’ jingles.

Ashley Stolitza (1:19:31)
All right. Thank you, Chris, ’cause I I forgot.

The ShortMerc (1:19:38)
Yeah.

He’s he is actually artsy fartsy.

Chris (1:19:42)
Ha ha ha.

Ashley Stolitza (1:19:42)
Literally.

That’s right. Full circle. And I’m done with my nails. Sorry. ⁓

The ShortMerc (1:19:47)
Yeah. Yeah, man. So yeah, I they’re beautiful. They they

Chris (1:19:52)
Yeah.

The ShortMerc (1:19:54)
look like a what is it, like a a nice ⁓ deep coppery bronze?

Ashley Stolitza (1:20:00)
They’re black. They’re sparkle black. And see, ca I say this because that seems to I feel us getting to the end to nearing the end of the episode and it’s starting to become, I think, the trope because I clearly it takes me about an hour to do my nails. So

The ShortMerc (1:20:01)
Are they really?

Yeah.

Ashley does her next.

Chris (1:20:19)
I think something that we

should keep in the back of our mind or at least have ⁓ a talk about at some point is

How our our our kind of like main criteria for for being human is don’t be a dick. And then Jess also just recently said, ’cause I’m a dick. But there’s like a very big difference. There’s like Jess’s Jess’s version is kindness, which is a weird topic. And I think we should talk about that because my definition of kindness was wrong for a long time.

Ashley Stolitza (1:20:32)
Mm.

The ShortMerc (1:20:54)
Yeah, I d season two. Season it’s gonna be real dense and then we’ll start mapping it out for season three. Yeah. I mean I listen, I can’t I have always always thought of people being nice to me as ⁓

Ashley Stolitza (1:20:54)
Season two. Season two is gonna be real long.

Ha ha ha

The ShortMerc (1:21:14)
A warning flag because people being nice to me has always been a warning flag.

Chris (1:23:05)
Yeah. It’s interesting ’cause we bal we balance each other a lot like that because I was the complete opposite, just like good boy, kind, do everything for everybody. And you definitely poke a lot of my boundaries and make me realize that it that’s actually not nice. That’s actually kind of like a selfish thing to to do and I need to have better boundaries.

The ShortMerc (1:23:30)
Yeah. I I mean you guys have helped me realise that people are not necessarily weak just because they’re not hardened either.

Chris (1:23:38)
Wait, what? You call Did you just call me weak?

The ShortMerc (1:23:40)
Ha ha.

Ashley Stolitza (1:23:42)
Ha ha

The ShortMerc (1:23:43)
No, Chris, it says you’re not weak. Just because you’re not hard doesn’t mean ⁓ wait, I did. Yeah. So just because you’re not hard doesn’t mean you’re weak. There we go.

Chris (1:23:51)
Yeah.

Ashley Stolitza (1:23:55)
I didn’t even I was just gonna roll with it.

Chris (1:23:56)
I’m a scoffed d

The ShortMerc (1:23:57)
Nah, yeah. But I mean that doesn’t mean you’re easily punctured either, ’cause I mean like

Chris (1:24:02)
That’s true. Well, no it means I’m easily punctured, but I’m like jello, baby.

Ashley Stolitza (1:24:08)
Ha ha ha.

The ShortMerc (1:24:08)
Just

And sometimes good things sh show up until Yeah. I think we I think we all do. So we’ll ⁓ I’ll fade that out at the other side of it. But

Chris (1:24:12)
Sounded weird. I need to go.

Doo doo doo.

Ashley Stolitza (1:24:24)
You can’t remove the jello.

The ShortMerc (1:24:27)
That’s true, I can’t remove the gel. I’ll figure it out. We’ll have enough pauses in there.

Chris (1:24:31)
No, I’m

that’s fine. I just don’t wanna keep talking after that. I think that was my peak. It’s gonna be it’s gonna go downhill really quickly from here.

Ashley Stolitza (1:24:35)
⁓

Ha ha ha.

The ShortMerc (1:24:41)
It’s all good. It is all good. So yeah, anyway, this so we don’t end up running into some crazy ass runtimes. Healing gets unsuck. You find your people. You definitely find your people at the end of the day. ⁓ Go out and heal. It’s not easy, but they’re out there. I mean there’s eight billion people on this planet, so

Chris (1:24:50)
This is this is a good one.

Ashley Stolitza (1:25:05)
Find your people.

The ShortMerc (1:25:05)
Go do the thing.

Go do the thing.

Chris (1:25:10)
Goodbye.Alright, yeah, peace.